After what felt like half a day, Lara and Henrik walk me back to the car, where I stand in front of the door and offer everyone a wave. I spot Keller’s towering height by the entrance of the boathouse, his eyes intent on me, his hands in his pockets.
Why did he show up today? Given his current suspension, I’d think he wouldn’t want to be seen in public. He’s so worried about what people think about him that this public appearance with a mark on his name seems very uncharacteristic.
I have so much to ask him, but the biggest question of them all? Why weren’t you strong enough for me? Why wasn’t I important enough for him to push through the insecurities?
With another wave, I duck into the car and wait for Lara to sit next to me. With Henrik in the front, out of earshot thanks to the glass between the front and the back, I keep my eyes ahead and ask, “Do you have the note?”
“I do.” She slides it over to me on my leg, and I take it in my hands. I give the people one last wave, and then we’re off, driving down the road, a motorcade in front of and behind us.
I let out a deep breath and rest my head back, clutching the note. “Did you know he was going to be there?”
“I had an inkling. I wasn’t sure if he’d show up or not.”
“Why didn’t you warn me?”
“I didn’t want to add to the nerves that you already have with these public outings. This was your first without Queen Katla or King Theo and I wanted to make sure you were going into it with a clear head and not worried about the possibility of seeing Keller.”
“That makes sense.” I rub my lips together. “He looked so . . . sad, but also determined, in a way.”
“He did.”
“Have you talked to him at all?”
Lara rubs her hand over her thigh as she says, “I have. Every night.”
“What?” I ask, turning toward her now. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m treading a hard line here, Lilly,” she says. “You’re not only my responsibility to protect, but you’ve also become a friend. And I’ve known Keller since we were kids. He might’ve acted poorly and made foolish decisions, but he’s also my best friend. I know you’ve been hurting, so I’ve wanted to keep things close to me so as not to hurt you more.”
“Well, I appreciate that, but you don’t have to tread carefully around me.”
She gives me a look. “Lilly, I appreciate you trying to be strong, but I know it’d hurt you if I spoke about him. I’d rather talk to you about other things that make you happy.”
“He used to make me happy,” I say quietly, clutching the note. “Do you know what this is about?”
“I don’t know what’s in the note.”
“But you knew he would give this to me?”
She looks away and says, “How about you don’t ask me questions about Keller, that way I don’t feel the need to break anyone’s trust?”
“Okay, yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in the middle.”
“It’s quite all right. I’d be the same if it were Brimar and me. That is, if Brimar didn’t commit treason or cheat on me.” She smiles. “At least Keller didn’t do that.”
“Very true,” I say softly. “I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s never okay to cheat.”
“No, it’s not. It hurts, but I’m more angry than heartbroken, if I’m honest.”
“I can understand that.” And then, because I can’t help myself, I ask, “Do you think I’m being ridiculous?”
“Not in the slightest. He hurt you and probably in one of the worst ways. Your feelings are completely justified. Now, read that note.”
“Okay.” I unfold it and focus on his familiar handwriting. I scroll over it briefly and say, “I think it’s a poem.”
Lara smiles. “Ah, that seems right.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, there’s some Viking in that man, if you haven’t noticed.”
“I have,” I say, my mind going to his large frame and blond hair, his protective instincts.
“One of the ways a Viking would express their love to someone was through simple poetry. There’s no structure, no format, just a declaration of their feelings. This makes sense to me.”
“Oh.” And then I remember something he said to me at Harrogate. If he ever tried to woo me, he’d write poetry. Is that what he’s trying to do? Only one way to find out. I focus on the poem and read it quietly to myself.