His mouth hangs as he grasps what I just did.
“Calla …” He drops his hand on his wife’s shoulder and leans in, eyebrows arched in a wordless question.
From this angle, I can only see her profile, but it’s enough as she sets the glass down. With a rare shy smile, she nods.
Jonah covers his mouth with a palm as he absorbs the shock.
“Way to blow it, Dad!” Toby smacks Teddy in the arm, a rare bout of irritation twisting his features. “She wanted to tell him later, when they were alone.”
“Tell him what—ooooh.” Teddy’s mouth forms a perfect O as he watches Jonah collect Calla in his arms and lift her into the air.
Toby was obviously in on this elaborate ruse. The only one in on it, I note, as I take in Agnes’s and Mabel’s faces, brimming with shock and unbridled excitement.
I plaster on what I hope is a matching mask to show my support, even as an odd, empty feeling settles over me.
This is really happening.
Jonah is going to be a father. He’s having a baby with Calla.
I knew this day would come. It was only a matter of time. Though, we only just mentioned it yesterday in passing, and it still seemed like years away.
And I’m thrilled for him, for them.
So why am I suddenly overwhelmed by emotions that feel entirely unsuitable?
Jonah has set Calla down on the counter, knocking over a pint in his oblivious excitement as he presses his face into her stomach. She’s beaming as she laughs, not a hint of the same trepidation she had when they had that pregnancy scare last year.
Panic swells as a painful lump forms in my throat, and I fear the worst—that I’m about to lose my composure in the middle of the Ale House. My hand is shaking as I down the rest of my beer in a giant gulp and slide off the stool, intent on stealing a moment for myself in the restroom, to deal with whatever this is in private. Only my legs keep going, carrying me past that little door and through the outer one.
The sun is still high in the sky as I head for my truck, parked in the farthest possible corner of the lot, closest to the tree line. My face is frozen with a smile to mask the ugliness beneath in case anyone is out here, until I crawl into the driver’s seat and shut the door behind me.
That’s when the first sob wrenches from me.
I try to swallow it.
“I’m happy for them.”
“I’m happy for them.”
“I’m happy for them,” I chant over and over again.
And I am so happy for them.
But at this very moment, I’m so utterly unhappy for me, for the things I’m beginning to accept I may never have.
The pitiful tears win out, rolling down my cheeks in rivulets that feel like they may never end now that I’ve let them loose.
My passenger door opens, and Tyler climbs in, shutting the door behind him.
Oh God. An already horrendous situation has suddenly gotten ten times worse. The last thing I want is to have to explain myself to anyone, but especially to him.
I turn away before he can see my face, wiping my palms against my cheeks as covertly as possible. “Finished meeting the entire bar already?” I force out, my voice strained as I struggle to suppress my tears.
With a heavy sigh, he slides across the bench seat.
“I’m fine.” I’m clearly not fine, and he knows that.
I tense as his arm slips over my shoulders. “Come here, Marie.” He’s strong, but I don’t resist when he angles me toward him, his other hand collecting my chin and gently guiding it into the crook of his neck, a hiding spot so I don’t have to meet his gaze. I appreciate that.
“It’s not what you think,” I manage, my body stiff against his even as I absorb the pleasing scent of his skin.
“It doesn’t matter what I think. But I’m not thinking anything.” His fingers weave through my hair in tiny but calming strokes. It almost feels like a hug, the way he’s wrapped around me. “I saw you leave, and I knew something was wrong.”
His kind words are pushed aside as dread grips me. “Did anyone else notice me leave?” Jonah and Calla unintentionally announce their pregnancy, and I—his best friend—run out, ready to burst into tears?
“Nah. They were all pretty wrapped up in your friends. I only had a second to escape while people were distracted, so I took it.” His hand has not stilled as he talks. “Did you know Thomas White needs hernia surgery? And Dylan something or other is divorcing the same woman a second time?”
Despite my abysmal mood, I offer a weak laugh. “You got the full Muriel experience, town gossip and all. Must mean she really likes you.”