“Ever considered she might not want you to fix her problems this time?” Jillian suggested. “She knows that if she answered you, you’d go into damage control mode and fix it all. I mean, you always were the grown-up in that relationship.”
“I didn’t even have a relationship with her until a month and a half ago.” I stood up and began shoving items into my bag. It was half past seven, and I’d made Christian wait long enough outside my building. He came to see me every day now.
“Yes, that’s true, but my take is you’ve never had a relationship because you intimidated her and she disgusted you,” Jilly explained, walking over to the kitchenette to pour herself more tea. “So my guess is she’ll resurface when she is ready, and when she has a plan.”
“She’s never going to have a plan.” I flung my bag over my shoulder. “She’s been cruising through life, counting on my dad to fix all of her problems.”
Jillian smiled, adding a teaspoon of sugar to the antique teacup I’d gotten her for Easter at a thrift shop. The scent of peppermint filled the air. “We’ll see about that, won’t we?”
“You sound like you know something I don’t.” I narrowed my eyes.
Jillian laughed. “I know lots of things you don’t. Let me start by pointing out the most important one—it’s not just your mother you are worried about. You are petrified of Christian, or Nicky, or whatever you want to call him today. You’ve been barricading yourself in the office every day until eight o’clock since you found out he was waiting for you each night.”
“It’s stalker behavior.” I stomped to the door to make a point. “I’m trying to discourage it.”
“You’re so deeply in love with the guy I’m embarrassed for your soul. Why aren’t you giving him a chance?”
How had we gotten from the subject of my mother to this? I rolled my eyes, plucking my lip gloss from my bag and reapplying it absentmindedly. “Because I’ll never trust the man again, so there’s really no point.”
“You keep telling yourself that, sweetie.” She came to pat my arm on her way back to her desk.
I frowned. “What are you doing here, anyway? At least I’ve had a reason to stay late these past few days, but you didn’t.” I paused. “Or did you?” I grinned.
Jillian got back to her seat, grabbed a hair clip, and tossed it in my direction. “Leave now!”
I dodged the hair clip, laughing. “What’s his name?”
“Out!”
I straightened back up. “Hmm. Out. That sounds cute and eccentric. Are his parents environmentalists? I don’t know, I like Woods or Leaf more.”
“I swear to God, Arya . . .” She waggled her finger at me. “By the way, you remember our meeting tomorrow, right? With the woman from Miami? Nine thirty?”
“Yes.” I made a face. “I’m still not sure how we can help her. Her business idea sounds solid, but she hasn’t even incorporated the company yet.”
Then I was out the door, giggling my way to another encounter with Nicky.
Only he wasn’t there.
For the first time in a week, Nicky didn’t lay siege outside my office.
Disappointment flooded me. I hated the side effects of not seeing him there. The weak knees, the way my heart dropped and my shoulders sagged. I willed myself to stand taller and maneuvered my way to the subway, plastering a deranged smile on my face. This just went to show that Nicky wasn’t reliable. He’d given up on me in less than a week.
But then you did chide him and ask that he never contact you again, a voice inside me reasoned. Numerous times, in fact. Furthermore, you were a complete bitch when he pointed out he quit his job for you.
Logically, I knew I had no right to be mad at him for not waiting outside my office door for three hours. And also logically, it was true that he hadn’t had to quit his job. He could have carried on with his life, safe in the knowledge I wasn’t going to hand him over to the authorities. He’d chosen to repent for his deception. But maybe my issue wasn’t about trusting Nicky. Maybe my issue was with trusting myself. After all, he was the height of everything. The desirable, ultimate, unrequited love. Had been for so many years.
Maybe I just didn’t want to hand over the remainder of my heart to the man who’d stolen it nearly two decades ago and never given it back.
I spent the train journey mulling over my thoughts on the situation with Nicky. The kid he had been. The man he was today. When I arrived at my building, I saw a figure loitering at the stairway. My pulse kicked up.