That was true. My mind drifted to how scared I’d felt and acted. My nightmares were getting worse. My eyes dropped to Colt’s chest. It was wet and striped with streams of my tears.
I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I’m—”
“Don’t,” Knox snapped, interrupting me. I glanced toward my bedroom door. He was leaning against the frame, frowning. “Stop apologizing for something that isn’t your fault.”
Colt tucked my hair behind my ear. “I agree with Knox. Stop apologizing.”
“I know it’s not my fault,” I snapped and then grimaced. “I just…” If I was being honest, I was still worried they’d get sick of dealing with me, even though they had repeatedly proven that they weren’t going to run for the hills. I had no reason not to believe them, but something was holding me back. It was me. I was holding me back. “How do you suggest I act right now? Pretend I didn’t just wake up screaming?”
“No!” they all said at the same time.
I looked around at all of them. Keelan was lying where Creed had been sleeping and he had certainly made himself comfortable in my bed, with his long legs crossed at the ankles and his hands laced behind his head, displaying the tattoos covering the undersides of his arms. I looked for Creed next. He was leaning against my dresser, with his arms crossed over his bare chest. His basketball shorts hung low, showing off the V of his hips. My mind drifted to what he, Colt, and I had done earlier—how they had touched me. It took effort to tear my gaze away. I moved my eyes up to meet Creed’s and saw that he was smirking at me. With hot cheeks I looked back at Colt and saw that he was grinning. I didn’t dare look at Knox or Keelan. I had a feeling everyone had caught me ogling Creed. I cleared my throat. “Is anyone hungry?” I asked as I climbed off of Colt and the bed. Once I was standing, I was reminded that I was only wearing a shirt and underwear. I tugged on the hem of my shirt. “I need pants.”
“Oh, don’t feel the need to put your clothes on because we’re here,” Keelan said, reciting what I had told him the first time I’d had breakfast at their house. Colt and Creed both chuckled and Knox shook his head, but I could tell he was fighting not to smile.
I was positive I was flushed. I still attempted to keep my cool and recited what he had responded with that morning: “Thanks for the permission to be naked, Keelan.”
Their smiles dropped and the room went very quiet for a moment. Then Keelan jumped to his feet and rounded my bed, heading for the door. “I think we should order in.”
Colt also stood from my bed. “That’s a good idea. Want to eat at our place, babe?”
“Sure,” I said distractedly. The sound of my dresser drawer being closed pulled my attention. Creed tossed me a pair of loose pajama shorts with baby cartoon Avengers on them before scooping up Colt’s and his shirts off the top of my dresser. He tossed one shirt to Colt and they put them on before dashing out of my room, following Keelan.
I watched them pass Knox, who stepped aside to let them leave, as I pulled on my shorts. I was tying the drawstrings as I walked toward the door.
“Pretending you don’t have nightmares isn’t the answer,” Knox said, stepping in my way. “It might help you to talk about them.”
I looked up, meeting his intense brown eyes. “My nightmares are mostly of the night my family was murdered. I don’t even like to think about that night, let alone talk about it.”
“Just because you don’t want to think about that night doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” he said bluntly.
That had been the last thing my psychiatrist had said before I’d closed my computer on her and never attended therapy again. Alaska didn’t provide a huge selection of psychiatrists to choose from and none of them had experience helping people with my type of trauma. Which was why all my sessions had been via video chat.
“It sounds like your nightmares are a result of what you’re refusing to face,” Knox said. “We all have to face our pain, Shiloh. If you don’t, you won’t find a way to accept it and you’ll never be able to move on.”
His words were like a punch to my gut and he left me standing there, stunned.
4
Last night, after dinner at the guys’， I went home and watched the Food Network all night. Colt and Creed had offered to spend the night. I’d turned them down. They had been up all night when I’d been in the hospital and had gotten broken sleep because of me yesterday. They deserved a good night’s rest.