Colt made his way over and pulled me into his arms. “It’s alright. We’re just worried.”
“I don’t want that.” I pushed away from him. “Let me just put the cake in the fridge and I’ll come back to bed.”
“I can do it,” Keelan offered.
“It’s your birthday cake—”
“Just because it’s my birthday doesn’t mean my hands are broken,” Keelan interrupted me with a grin. “Go back to bed.”
I nodded tightly and let Colt usher me away.
“Shiloh,” Keelan said before we left. I glanced back at him and saw him looking at all the decorations. “It looks amazing in here. It means a lot that you did all of this.”
“I’m not done yet,” was all I could say before I walked with the twins back to Creed’s room.
I felt like I was outside my body watching as I forced myself to climb into the bed between them. I pretended to get comfortable with Creed snuggled up behind me and Colt holding my hand. I lay there with my eyes closed, faking sleep, fighting back my anxiety.
After they fell back to sleep, I couldn’t stand to lie there any longer. I snuck out of bed, grabbed my dress and heels off the floor, and left.
“Shiloh.”
I paused for a moment a few feet from the front door. Refusing to look back, I scooped my wristlet and keys out of the bowl. “I’m going home, Knox. I’ll see you later.” Not giving him a chance to say anything, I opened the front door and left.
8
What I wouldn’t give for a cigarette. That thought kept tumbling in my mind. I still had a carton left in the bottom drawer of my dresser. The temptation to go get it made my skin tingle, but I kept my butt planted in my chair at my kitchen island as I drank my third cup of coffee.
I was so wrapped up in battling back that temptation that I didn’t know someone was in my house until I felt them touch my shoulder.
“Shiloh.”
My soul tried to leave my body as I jumped out of my chair. Half of my coffee sloshed over the rim of my mug and splashed onto the counter. I faced who was behind me, finding Knox. I put a hand to my chest. “Cheese and rice, Knox.”
“I knocked on the front door and called out to you when I came in,” he said.
I chastised myself for being so spaced out as I grabbed a tea towel to clean up the spilled coffee. “What’s up?”
“I need to pick up the food for the party. Come with me.” It wasn’t a request.
I gaped at him. “You haven’t picked up the food yet? The party starts in a few hours.”
“I’ve been busy.”
I left the kitchen with my mouth pinched shut. I would not judge his wait ‘til the last possible minute party-planning style. Nope. I shoved my feet into some sandals and grabbed my purse.
We drove to the grocery store in Knox’s Camaro and almost the entire ride was silent. Almost.
“We need to talk about this morning,” he said out of the blue.
“I’m sorry you saw my vagina, Knox,” I snapped, feeling mortified. “I would appreciate it if it was never brought up again.”
He kept his eyes fixed on the road. “I wasn’t talking about that.”
“Oh.”
He pulled into the store’s lot and found a parking space toward the front. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
I watched him shift the car into park but not turn off the engine. “We’re not here for food, are we?” I asked.
“We just need ice, but you would have suspected something was up if I asked you to go get ice with me.”
I clasped my hands together tightly in my lap. It was a subtle way I could react without letting him know I was upset. “And you say I’m a pain in the butt.”
“You’re avoiding answering.”
“I have been sleeping,” I said nonchalantly, hoping he’d feel like he was making this a bigger thing than it was.
He frowned at me. “When was the last time you got a full night’s rest?”
“I’ve had a rough couple of nights.”
“You haven’t slept since what happened with Jacob?”
I shrugged.
“You haven’t really talked about what happened.”
I laughed dryly as I stared out the window. “I haven’t talked about Jacob because there isn’t anything to discuss. I am disturbingly unfazed by what he tried to do to me.” My tone had turned bitter and there was no hiding my irritation. “I was terrified at the time. But there are different levels of terror. Ones that will leave scars on your soul forever and completely break your sanity. As you try to move on, you’ll find yourself in a constant state of hating the idea of tomorrow, yet hoping you’re strong enough to see it.” I let out a sigh and leaned my head back against the headrest. “With that said, it’s completely normal to have difficulty sleeping. You’re making this a bigger deal than it is. I’m sure I’m going to sleep like a baby tonight.”