I moved my hand back down his length and curled my fingers around him at the tip.
His eyes shot open and bored into mine. “Shiloh,” he growled.
I stroked up and the backs of my fingers brushed his balls. “Do you want me to stop?” I asked as I moved my hand down again.
His hips bucked. “Fuck.”
He didn’t stop me. Instead, he fisted the back of my shirt. I couldn’t get enough of how he reacted to me touching him. This big, strong man was at my mercy. “Am I doing it right?”
“Harder.” His voice was like rumbling thunder. I did as he said, and his breath hitched. “That’s it.”
The corner of my mouth twitched as I fought a smug smile. His eyes dropped there, catching the twitch, and he released the back of my shirt. He moved his hand up into my hair and tugged a little. He wasn’t hurting me, but it toed the line, making me gasp. “Do you like touching my cock, Shiloh?”
Oh, he wasn’t the one in control here. I was. And I would fight him for it if I had to. “I think you like it more.” I pumped my hand faster and he tightened his grip on my hair. “You’re bigger than I thought.”
He inched his face closer until his lips hovered above mine. “You’ve thought about my cock?”
I only smiled.
He grinned back. “I haven’t stopped thinking about your pretty little pussy.” His lips lightly brushed mine, but he didn’t fully kiss me. That frustrated me a little because it still felt like he had the upper hand.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about the way you looked at me,” I said. “You wanted me, and I wanted you to have me right there on that counter.”
He let out a breathy groan and started rocking his hips in sync with my hand. I felt him swell just before he let out a curse and warmth coated my fingers.
I pulled my hand from his boxers and watched his cum roll down my fingers. Curiosity urged me to taste it, but as I brought my hand toward my mouth, Knox caught my wrist. Pushing me onto my back, he pinned my hand against the pillow.
“Fuck,” he cursed, squeezing his eyes shut. “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”
“What?” I said and hated how hurt I sounded.
Hearing it, his eyes shot open and his brow furrowed. “You’re going through a lot right now. It was wrong—”
“Wrong?” I blurted and pushed him off of me. I climbed out of the bed, beelining for the bathroom to wash my hands in the sink. By the time I was done and walked back in the bedroom, Knox was sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over, with his face in his hands.
I folded my arms over my chest. “I know I’ve made piss-poor decisions regarding my grief and I may be inexperienced in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean you can write me off as incompetent. I do know better and I’m still capable of making good decisions.”
He looked up with a frown.
“I woke up this morning peacefully. Yes, I had a nightmare last night, but I was able to fall back to sleep and I didn’t dream. I opened my eyes feeling somewhat normal and…” I sighed frustratedly, trying to organize my thoughts. “Keelan already explained why I shouldn’t use sex as an escape and I won’t. What we just did…that wasn’t an escape. I didn’t use you.”
“I don’t think you used me,” he snapped.
“Then what is it?”
“You should be focusing on yourself right now,” he said firmly. “Sex could distract you from that.”
“I’m not some sex-crazed teenager who can’t control their hormones. Well, there was this one time with the twins, and I was drunk, but that doesn’t count,” I rambled. I needed to get back on track. “I have feelings for you and I’m pretty sure you have feelings for me, too. It’s normal to want to connect with you on an intimate level. If you didn’t want that, then you should have said something. I wouldn’t have done what I did—”
“If I hadn’t wanted that to happen, it wouldn’t have. That’s not the point. We need to do right by you. Sex needs to wait until you’re in a better place.”
We? They all came to this decision without talking to me?
My eyes dropped to the floor and I headed for the door. “I’m going to make breakfast.”
“Shiloh,” he said, but I ignored him as I left.
By the time I made it to the kitchen, I felt ready to combust. I pulled food from the fridge and dropped it all on the counter next to the stove. I slammed cabinets closed and plopped pans on the stove, not caring how loud I was. The drawers were the next to suffer my wrath as I searched for utensils. I tossed those on the counter and enjoyed the way they clanged and clattered.