“I didn’t want to live anymore, Creed,” I admitted.
His hand tightened around mine.
Guilt hit me. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”
He hit his brakes and turned down a short road that led to a park. After parking in a spot under a tree, he twisted in his seat to face me. “Don’t ever be sorry for telling me what you’re going through. I’m so fucking happy you’re finally opening up. It just breaks my heart that you ever felt that way.”
“I don’t feel that way now and I’ll do everything I can to not feel that way again,” I assured him. “I know it’s still hard for me to talk about that night.” My thoughts drifted back to Saturday night and how I had gotten sick after telling them just a little bit of what had happened. “For a short period of time each day, I’ve been letting myself think of that night. Before, I pushed everything that had happened to the furthest corner of my mind and with all my might, I refused to venture there. I didn’t want to remember what I felt, the pain, the fear, the overwhelming agony. Since I’ve allowed myself to take peeks, I do feel all of those things, but surprisingly, I mostly feel angry. Dr. Bolton says there are different stages of grief. I think I’m in the angry stage. I'm angry at Logan for leaving me when I needed him. I’m angry that I understand why he did it. If I had the opportunity to kill Mr. X, I’d do it. I’m, of course, angry at Mr. X. And I’m angry at myself.”
“Why are you angry at yourself?”
“Because I took on the guilt of losing my family and I still do sometimes. I hate that I almost let fear destroy me. I get that there isn’t a road map to acceptance and moving on. I get that some roads are longer than others and the decisions we make determine which road we take. I’m mad mine took me down a long one.”
“The long road isn’t so bad,” he said. “I’ll walk it with you.”
I shook my head, smiling.
“What?” he asked.
“You say things that make me fall in love with you more and more.”
His brows rose and the biggest smile stretched across his mouth. “You love me?”
Blushing, I looked out the window at the empty park. “Maybe.”
I heard the click of him unfastening his seat belt before he grabbed my chin. He made me face him, his beautiful aquamarine eyes boring into mine. “I love you, Shi,” he said and kissed me. I could feel the love he poured into that kiss as he devoured my mouth.
I unfastened my seat belt and crawled over the center console onto his lap. He reached down to the buttons on the side of the seat and it moved back, giving us more room. His hands went to my bare thighs and slid them up under the skirt of my dress until they reached my butt.
I trailed kisses down his neck and I knew I’d found his special spot when his fingers squeezed my butt over my underwear.
“I’m guessing this means ice cream will have to wait?” he said.
“Maybe you have something I want to lick more,” I said, brushing my nose against his ear.
He groaned. “I see Keelan has corrupted you. Remind me to thank him later.”
Smiling, I returned my lips to his. “You’re just as dirty.”
He moved a hand between my legs and rubbed me through my underwear. “There’s nothing bad about being dirty. Especially if it gets your panties this wet.” He pushed my underwear to the side and his fingers slid over my clit to my core. He pushed two fingers inside of me and cursed. “I wish I could have you naked.”
I pecked his lips. “You’ll have to use your imagination.”
As he pumped his fingers in and out of me, he said, “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
I rocked my hips, meeting the thrusts of his fingers.
“Will you ride my cock the way you’re riding my fingers?”
I smiled. “There’s only one way to find out.”
He pulled his fingers from me and grabbed his wallet from the center console. He pulled out a condom and tossed his wallet onto the floor without a care.
I scooted toward his knees and unbuttoned his pants. I reached inside of his boxers and pulled his hard cock free. As I stroked him, I held my hand out for the condom. “Can I put it on?”
He handed it over with a smirk and leaned the seat back a little. He got comfortable with his hands laced behind his head as he watched me tear open the foil packet. I rolled the condom down his shaft and scooted up his lap. He didn’t take his eyes off me as I aligned him with my entrance and eased down. His smirk dropped and his hands flew to my hips. “Fuck,” he drawled.