“It was Logan’s choice.” He let out a sigh. “I know it’s scary, but—”
I whirled around to face him. “You don’t know!”
His eyes widened at my outburst.
“You have no fucking clue how scary it is,” I seethed. “Logan is all I have left.”
“With your uncle’s help we might be able to catch X.”
“Why does it have to be him?” I shook my head, frustrated. “I know how selfish that sounds, but haven’t I sacrificed enough? Christ, Ian, it’s been well over a year. Why haven’t you caught him yet?”
Ian’s gaze dropped to the floor. “If it makes you feel better to blame me, I can live with that. But you should know that no one forced Logan to help. He offered.”
Logan had told me that Ian had called him in. He had made it seem like he’d had no choice. He had lied to me.
Finally meeting my eyes again, Ian stood. “He lost his family, too, Shiloh. Do you really think your uncle is the type of man to just sit around and wait for justice to be served?”
No. He wasn’t.
“I’m not dumb enough to think that if Logan catches X, he’ll hand him over to be prosecuted, but I’m sure as hell pretending to be,” he admitted, his shoulders slumping a little. “X has killed six girls in less than a year. I will take all the help I can get.”
My stomach dropped. “Six?”
“He’s killed two more girls since we last spoke.”
“I only knew of the one you told me about,” I said.
“It wasn’t public knowledge that the first three were connected. They happened in different states.”
“How did you know they were connected?”
Ian hesitated. “Your picture has been stapled to all the victims’ faces. After the fourth girl was found, we couldn’t keep things under wraps anymore.”
“That’s messed up and you know it. You should have warned people sooner.”
“And tell them what?” he asked. “That young brunette girls are being targeted all over the U.S.? We needed more time.”
“For what?”
“His face has been plastered all over the news, yet no one has seen him. He’s evaded everything we’ve tried to catch him. By pure luck, one officer stumbled upon him, and X killed him.” Anger seeped into his voice as he spoke. “When criminals have gotten away with so much, they start to feel like God—like they’re untouchable. They get too confident and they make mistakes.”
“So you let him continue to kill—”
“I’m not letting him do anything,” he snapped. “I can’t stop him if I can’t catch him.”
I plopped back in a chair. “So he’s become a serial killer.”
Ian nodded. “And he’s already searching for his next victim.”
“One who looks just like me, because he can’t find me.”
He studied me, probably taking in everything from my posture to my shallow breathing. What looked like sympathy entered his eyes. “You shouldn’t do that to yourself. Don’t take on his guilt.”
“I’m trying not to…” I squeezed my hands into fists. Since I’d lost my family, I’d felt like I’d been pulled to the bottom of the dark ocean. Sometimes I could see the faint light of the surface, but no matter how much I moved my arms and kicked my legs, I could never reach it. I was running out of air and I was tired. So tired. Right now, I couldn’t see that light. How could I fight to swim toward something if I couldn’t see it anymore?
“Shiloh?” Ian said with concern in his eyes.
I was done talking to Ian. I didn’t want to hear anymore.
Ian touched my shoulder. “You need to breathe.”
I didn’t want to be here anymore.
I wanted to feel safe.
I wanted to go home.
I didn’t have that anymore.
All I had now was an empty house to return to.
The only place that felt remotely like a home was when I was over at the guys’ house.
The guys.
Their faces popped into my head. If they were here, Colt and Creed would hold me while giving me words of encouragement, Keelan would say something to make me laugh, and Knox would push my buttons. Thinking of them, I was able to suck air into my lungs.
“That’s it,” Ian said, rubbing my back. “Deep breaths, kid.”
I ignored him. He wasn’t helping. If anything, his presence was making things worse. I kept my thoughts on the guys. “I want to go home. Now,” I forced out.