He nods, listening intently to my words as we ascend the hill.
“I think you can hold on to your integrity, but you need to be really strong-willed. You’ll have people pulling you in all kinds of directions, and if you don’t know your own mind, and you can’t stick to your resolve, you’ll get sucked in. It’s that easy.” I gnaw on the inside of my mouth, as bile churns in my gut. “Reeve swore he didn’t want the spotlight. That it was all about the acting for him. He promised nothing would change, and I believe he meant that. I believe he started out with those lofty aspirations, but it didn’t last long. I always thought he was strong, but it all unraveled so fast.”
“And he grew up in the business,” Dillon says after a few awkward beats of silence. “What hope do a bunch of na?ve Irish boys from County Wicklow have?”
“If you ask me, I think it might be easier for you to hold on to your principles. You have a loving family who will help you to stay grounded, and you’re going in with your eyes wide-open. The fact you’re hesitant because you don’t want that side of fame is half the battle. The rest is down to how resilient and dogmatic you can be.”
44
We don’t talk for several minutes, but it’s a comfortable silence. I can tell Dillon is deep in thought. In a lot of ways, I completely relate to Dillon’s situation. I have never wanted to be famous. I’ve always been happier staying in the shadows, but Reeve’s fame forced me into the spotlight. I thought I was prepared for it. That I’d prepared my whole life for it, but I wasn’t. I don’t know if it’s ever possible to fully prepare yourself for that kind of intrusive invasion.
“Wow,” I exclaim when we reach the top of the hill. A large stone obelisk occupies center stage on the grassy incline. Blue-green ocean extends as far as the eye can see on one side with the vast expanse of the Irish landscape on surrounding sides. “What is this place?”
“This is Killiney Hill. It’s one of the highest vantage points in County Dublin. Killiney is only a half hour’s drive from Kilcoole, and we spent many Sunday afternoons here as kids. Now, I come here when I need to clear the cobwebs from my head.” He continues talking as we walk around the obelisk. Pointing at a worn bench tucked under an alcove on the other side of the structure, he smiles. “I’ve written plenty of songs from that very spot. Sometimes Conor and me grab a couple of sleeping bags, a few bottles of beer, and come up here to write and jam.”
“It’s a wonder you don’t freeze to death,” I mumble, shivering as imaginary chills ghost over my spine.
He chuckles. “Us Irish must have thicker skin than ye thin-skinned Yanks.”
“Ha! I might have started out like that, but I’ve definitely developed thicker skin over the past couple of years.”
In a surprisingly sweet gesture, he presses a kiss to my temple. “I’m sorry for all you’ve been through.”
“You mean that.” I look up at him, and his eyes have that hypnotic green-blue sheen I’ve noticed in certain light.
“I do.” He squeezes my hand, kissing my brow again. “Come on. I know a secluded spot where we can eat lunch.”
My eyes are on stalks as we wander around the top of the hill, going up and down various steps and exploring other smaller stone structures that are dotted around Killiney Hill. I make Dillon take a ton of pictures of me to send to my parents and Audrey, and he jumps into a photo, taking a selfie of us in front of the obelisk.
I look at the pic with a warm smile on my face as he holds my hand, bringing us over to a rocky area that faces the Irish Sea. In the photo, our hair is windswept, our cheeks are rosy red, and we’re both sporting massive smiles. I’m shocked to see how happy I look. I swallow over the lump in my throat at the thought I might finally be moving on, wondering why I feel joint elation and sadness.
Dillon veers off onto a narrow, bumpy grassy path, guiding me down closer and closer to the edge.
“Is this safe?” I inquire, noticing how there is no one else around.
He chuckles. “You really are a scaredy-pants, aren’t you?”
I flip him the bird, and he tips back his head, laughing heartily. The sound warms my bones. “It’s fair to say I’ve led a more sheltered, less reckless existence than you.”
His laughter instantly dies, his smile fades, and for a moment, he looks almost…angry. As if I’ve insulted him. “Did I say something wrong?” I inquire, frowning as he slams to a halt at a small rocky ledge right on the edge of the hill.