It’s not for a good hour, and after our second time passing her beach house that she stops peddling and lets her butt fall to the floorboard, her legs thrown over the top, head tipped back on the seat.
She stares at the cloudy sky, and I join her.
“You ever wish you could go to a new place and take on a whole other life? Like tell everyone your name is John and you’re a carpenter with no family and moved on a whim?”
“No.”
Her head snaps my way at my quick, flat response to her wishful notion.
“I’d tell everyone my name is McLovin.”
She laughs, her body shaking, and when she looks back to the sky, it’s with a sigh. “I love that movie.”
I know.
A somberness falls over her and I wait.
It takes a minute, but then she closes her eyes, and when they open back up, they focus on the yellow nail polish she’s now chipping from her thumb.
“I had a doctor’s appointment today, you know, to check on me after the accident.”
I knew this. It’s why I came out here in the first place, to the one place I could feel like I was close to her, even when I wasn’t.
I should have been there with her, sitting in the waiting room, so I could take her hand and hold her when she came out, celebrating the good or comforting through the bad.
A knot forms in the pit of my stomach.
“They, um, they think I’m blocking the memories, they said sometimes people who are… severely depressed do that.” Tears build in her eyes, and she shakes her head. “How am I supposed to know if that’s the problem when I can’t remember if I was depressed in the first place?”
I fight not to let out the shuddered breath lodged in my chest, the pain in her tone too fucking much. Her silent cries shake her body, and she looks away embarrassed.
She’s breaking beside me and I can’t take it. Can’t do this.
She wants to learn things on her own, but she needs something to hold on to. She needs to know she was okay. That she’ll be okay.
My knuckle finds its place beneath her chin, and when my thumb falls to the space between there and her bottom lip, her lips part with a low gasp and her eyes fly to mine before I’ve even turned her face my way.
There’s a plea within them, but goddamn it, my baby has no idea what she’s asking for.
It’s subconscious, her heart and mind knowing I’m right here, dying to take away her pain, to comfort and support her through anything. Always.
Forever.
Her chest inflates, and my lips curve into a small, gentle smile.
“You were hurt, and it felt like the worst thing you could imagine.” Her lip quivers, but she doesn’t dare look away. “You cried a lot, hid away, and pretended things weren’t as bad as they were, but slowly…” I swallow. “Very slowly, the light slid back into your eyes.”
Her blinks grow slow, her tears slipping and rolling down to meet my skin. “Why do I get the feeling you helped with it?” she whispers.
I force my hand to fall and will my eyes to follow.
“Did you help with that?” She tries again.
I know she wants to remember on her own, but I already messed that up by sharing what I did. Now she’s asking for more.
For a tiny piece.
I promised I’d never deny her, so I won’t.
I clear my throat and answer the best way I know how.
“I hope so.”
Her smile is unhurried, and she faces the open waters, murmuring, “I think you did.”
I think I’m losing you…
Chapter 46
Arianna
* * *
White twinkling lights hang from the wall, sheer blue curtain woven around them to create a dreamy, winter wonderland type atmosphere. Large pillars span the corners of the walls and at the front, raised on a small stage is a table full of trophies and plaques.
The guys are dressed in sharp suits and the girls in glowing gowns, all but the coaching staff, who opted for their sideline attire.
The music is soft and the food a sampler-style cultural mix.
After the staff has the tables cleared from dinner, champagne flutes are passed around to those with wristbands, sparkling cider for the rest of us. The head coach takes the stage, taps on the mic and begins to welcome everyone to the ninetieth annual winter gala.
“It’s not uncommon to have a good team and a decent season. I’ve been here for twenty-two years and there hasn’t been a single year I couldn’t claim the same, but there is a difference in good and gold, and this year, boys, the Avix U Sharks football team was fucking gold.”