Just before the baby was born they all had a video conference with Matt. The call was mostly for Matt and Vanni as it was the first time in six months they’d seen one another. Then everyone else got to say a quick hi and when it was Paul’s turn Matt had said to him, “If anything goes wrong over here, look after Vanni.”
It couldn’t have gone more wrong. Matt was killed in an explosion in Baghdad the first week in December. It had been a terrible time and Vanni had asked Paul to stay until the baby came—another two months. Of course he agreed, and all that time he held it together so Vanni could lean on him. But the strain of the situation, his secret love for Vanni and his grief for his best friend ate him alive.
He thought going home to Grants Pass would ease the pain or at least distract him from it, but instead the pressure continued to build. A night out drinking with some of his construction crew and getting painfully loaded, only added a miserable headache to his breaking heart. He felt like a dead man, slogging through the days, tossing through the sleepless nights.
Without thinking too much about it, he called a woman he’d been out with a couple of times. Terri. He needed the distraction of someone who wasn’t already caught up in his drama. What qualified Terri was that their friendship had been easy; there was no clinging, no expectations. Plus, she used to make him laugh. She was simply a nice young woman, twenty-nine years to Paul’s thirty-six. Terri was the only woman he’d been out with in a couple of years, and he hadn’t talked to her in six months. That, if anything, should have told him something, but he hadn’t been paying attention.
He started out the conversation with, “Hey, Terri. Long time.” He asked her to dinner, but first confirmed that she wasn’t in a relationship—he didn’t want to complicate her life.
She laughed at that. “I wish,” she said. “No boyfriend, Paul. In fact, I’ve hardly gone out in the past few months. Let’s go someplace quiet and low-key, just catch up.” This was just the response he’d been hoping for and he’d been so grateful.
Paul rang her doorbell and when she came to her apartment door, he realized he had forgotten how pretty she was. Small of stature with shoulder-length dark brown hair and large eyes, she flashed him the bright, sexy smile that first got his attention a year ago. She laughed that wild laugh of hers and threw her arms around his neck. “God, it’s great to see you! I can’t wait to hear your excuse for disappearing for months!”
“Hey, remember Rosa’s? That hole-in-the-wall Mexican place? How about we go there?”
“Love it,” she said.
Paul stared straight ahead as he drove them to the restaurant, his jaw locked. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and shifted in his seat; maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, he thought. When they walked in the door, Terri pointed to a dark, corner booth and said, “Back there.” And when they sat down she said, “You’re not a real talkative guy, Paul, but it’s obvious something’s wrong.”
“I just got back to town from California. I’m a little behind on everything.”
She was shaking her head. “No, it’s more than that. You’re upset and nervous, and I wasn’t going to say anything, but you have dark circles, like you’re not sleeping. Since I haven’t seen or heard from you in a long time, I know it isn’t anything I did. You act like you just got out of prison. Go ahead—I’m a good listener.”
That was all it took. He ordered himself a beer and a glass of wine for Terri and let it spill. Best friend, dead. Best friend’s wife pregnant. Him hanging around, trying his best to hold her up.
“Good God,” she said, shaking her head. “You could have called me, you know. I mean, going through something horrible and not having anyone to talk to can make things so much worse.”
“I feel like a real jerk dumping on you now,” he said.
“Well, save it. I’m a girl, girls talk about their tragedies and heartaches. And if you don’t get it out, it’s going to eat a hole in you.”
“That’s how it feels,” Paul admitted. “Like I swallowed acid. Matt and I became best friends in junior high. I have two brothers but Matt was an only child, so he spent more time at my house than his own. We served in the Marine Corps together—he stayed active while I went to the reserves. I think my mom and dad were hit as hard by his death as I was. But his wife… Aw, Terri. I’ve never seen anything so painful. Here she was, about to have their first child, and she would cry until she was weak and dry. All I could do was hold her. But it was worse at night when the only sound in the house was Vanni sobbing in bed.”