“No.” She shakes her head. “I was too embarrassed.”
See, told you she’d be embarrassed.
I walk over to the kitchen, grab an apple from the bowl, and take a bite. “So, then, there’s nothing to worry about. Plus, he’d never fire you over something like that.”
“Then what does he want to talk to us about?”
I shrug. “Beats me.”
Although that’s not the truth, as I’m sure he has some shit to say to me. He wasn’t very happy with me yesterday when I hung up on him, so this impromptu need to call feels right.
“Well, I have a bad feeling. I feel like I’m in trouble.”
“You only feel that way because you did something you’d never do last night.”
Her eyes find mine. “How can you just be so casual about it? I’ve been up since four this morning unable to sleep. I don’t . . . I don’t know what came over me last night. I never should’ve—”
“No need to hash it out, Kelsey. What happened, happened. Just let it be.”
“Let it be? It’s not that easy for me, JP. You made me feel—” She catches herself and then takes a deep breath. “That was a wild thing for me to do, especially with a co-worker who technically oversees everything I do. Not to mention, I went on a date with another man last night. How on earth is that okay?”
With a crisp snap, I bite off a chunk of apple and chew it thoughtfully. “It’s actually just fine. These standards, these rules you seem to be putting on yourself are just that—self-induced rules. You can live your life the way you want. Stop judging yourself.”
“Stop trying to act like what happened last night was okay.”
“It was okay. We could’ve done more.”
“JP, I’m not that kind of girl,” she snaps. She’s really worked up. Even though she came last night with her eyes on me, she’s anything but okay with it. “I . . . I don’t do those kinds of things, and for some reason, I can’t seem to be my normal self around you. I lose my mind and start thinking that it’s okay to be sexually provocative.”
“It is okay for you to be sexually provocative,” I say.
“But I don’t want to be. I want so much more than sexual gratification.” Her voice wavers. “God, I don’t know why I’m talking to you about this when it isn’t something you understand.”
“Because I’m not the relationship kind of guy, right?”
“Right,” she says, not holding back. “Last night was probably a silly game to you and I was a pawn.”
“You weren’t a pawn in my game.” My voice grows tighter with irritation.
She folds her arms. “Then what was it? Because I can’t think of a good reason why we’d do that.”
“I don’t know, Kelsey, maybe because there’s a sexual attraction between us? Is that too hard to believe? Maybe we were so inflamed with need that we let our will slip last night.”
“Well . . . it won’t be happening again,” she says, looking away.
“Gathered that,” I mumble as I walk over to the couch and take a seat next to her.
Why? Why can’t I shift her thinking? Last night was testimony to how good we could be together. Sexually. But she’s clear on what she wants.
“I don’t do those kinds of things . . . I can’t seem to be my normal self around you. I lose my mind and start thinking that it’s okay to be sexually provocative. I want so much more than sexual gratification.”
And I want to give her so much more than simple sexual gratification. Remorse strikes me, knowing that I put her on the defensive again.
Get a fucking clue, Cane.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“Sitting in front of your iPad so when Huxley calls, he can see me. Is that a problem?”
“No,” she says, leaning back on the couch. I do the same and, together, we sit in silence, letting the time tick by while we wait for Huxley to call.
Unsure of what to do, I offer her my apple, and to my surprise, she takes it. Maybe it’s a peace offering, I don’t know, but I don’t like how angry she is at me, especially since last night, hell . . . it was probably wrong, but fuck, it felt good. Sliding my cock along her slit, feeling how goddamn turned on she was, it was a high I couldn’t kick, and I needed so much more. When I got back to my room, I hopped in the shower and quickly made work of my erection, thinking of her surprised face when she orgasmed. I was done in seconds.