“Wait, he said he still wears condoms? Why would he say that?” I ask.
“Because he’s looking for sex,” Lottie says, handing the phone back to Ellie. “When is this email from?”
Ellie shrugs. “I don’t know. I just heard it from Dave last night, and then the baby needed me.”
“Does it say on the screenshot?” I ask, my throat so tight, the words strain to fall off my tongue.
Ellie looks at the phone and then shakes her head. “That was all blacked out.”
I worry my lips as I draw my knees up close to my chest.
“Hello? Where are my babies?” Mom calls from downstairs.
I give a panicked look to Lottie, who then glances at Ellie. “Want me to distract her?” Ellie asks.
We both nod and, thankfully, she takes off and shuts the door behind her. When it clicks shut, I bury my head in my hands. Lottie sits next to me.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Lottie asks.
“Because this is your day and I’m ruining it.”
“No, JP is ruining it. Now tell me exactly what happened last night.”
I swipe at my eyes and say, “When we got back to his place, I was all about having sex and doing all the dirty things. He was really reserved and almost standoffish. I said I was going to bed naked and he suggested I wear clothes. It was—it was weird.”
“That is weird.”
“And then, when I threw myself at him again, he said not tonight, and . . . ugh, it was humiliating. I ended up going to bed, and when I thought he’d cuddle up against me, he didn’t. I woke up this morning to an empty bed. I was humiliated and . . . and I don’t think he thinks I’m attractive or that he wants me anymore. Right when I was about to come over here, he showed up and walked me over. He was more loving, still a little stiff. He said he was already out this morning, so he picked me up coffee, but where was he? Was he doing something with Huxley?”
“Huxley was with me all morning.”
Tears cascade down my cheeks. “God, then I have no idea. But he did give me this really good kiss before I walked up here, but he hasn’t texted since and . . . I don’t know. I’ve never felt more desired than I am when I’m with him, but last night . . . last night, I felt foolish, and now this email.” Panic tightens my throat. “What if he sent that while we were together?”
Lottie takes a deep breath and says, “Let’s be rational about this, okay?”
I nod, even though the worst-case scenario keeps flashing through my head.
“Last night, when we were drinking, the boys were in the house talking.”
“Yes, ‘man things,’ they said.”
“Which is code for either penis problems, or something to make us think it’s penis problems so we don’t go sniffing around for information.”
“Do you think JP was having penis problems last night? Is that why he wouldn’t have sex with me? I mean, I was naked in front of him and he wasn’t even hard.”
Lottie shakes her head. “No, I don’t think he was having penis problems, because even Huxley was irritated last night and I doubt his brother’s penis problem would make him irritated. This was the kind of irritation that I always associate with work.”
“So, they had a work problem last night?”
“No, I bet you they were dealing with this email. If Dave Toney knew about it last night, he would’ve told the boys. My guess is, someone got their hands on the email that shouldn’t have and the boys were trying to take care of it.”
“But when was it sent?”
“Probably before you guys were together. There’s no way he sent it after. He really likes you, Kelse.”
“I like to think that he does, but . . . there’s this feeling I have, this feeling I think I’ve always had when getting involved with him. I’m not good enough, not up to his level. I’m not going to fulfill what he needs in life. We’re so different.”
“But you are exactly what each other needs, too.” She grips my cheeks, forcing me to look at her. “Your insecurities are misshaping your view of JP. He’s a good guy. And the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced this is the boys trying to shield us from the truth.”
“The truth being . . . JP didn’t want to take me to the wedding.”
“Stop it. You don’t know that.”
“Then why didn’t he want me last night?” I cry. “And where was he this morning? Do you think he was with someone else?”