“Uh . . . fine,” I answer, feeling so awkward, so uncomfortable. There’s a giant elephant in the room and it’s sitting on our clasped hands, tugging me down.
“Just fine?”
“Yeah, fine.” We cross the street, and to keep the conversation flowing so he doesn’t ask me what’s wrong with me, because I can feel it coming, I ask, “Excited about your plans today? I think you have basketball and some special shave session with facials at a barbershop, and I believe some sort of barbecue tasting. Seemed fancy, when Lottie was explaining it to me.”
“There’s a lot going on. He wanted to plan some things with us before we walk down the aisle.” He holds up the coffee to me just as we make it to their front door. “I got this for you. Your favorite skinny vanilla latte.”
“Oh.” I take the cup. “Thank you. That was nice of you. You went out to get me coffee?”
“Nah, I was out and figured I’d stop.”
Why was he out so early in the morning? Don’t even go there, Kelsey. You’re not in the right frame of mind. It’ll only do you more harm than good.
“Well, thank you.” Luckily, just as I go to knock on the door, Huxley appears.
“Hey,” he says, looking between us, but when he meets JP’s eyes, they exchange some sort of conversation, and when JP nods, Huxley clears his throat and steps aside. “Lottie is upstairs.”
“Yup. Zit control,” I say as I release JP’s hand and attempt to squeeze by Huxley.
“Kelsey,” JP says before I can get too far.
“Hmm?” I say, looking over my shoulder.
“Are you going to say bye?”
“Oh, yeah, sorry. I’ve got zits on the brain.” I once again give him a kiss on his chin, but as I step away, he loops his arm around my waist and brings me in close to his chest. He tilts my chin up and presses his mouth to mine.
Warm.
Addictive.
An electrifying kiss that rocks you to your very core. His affection rips through me like a gentle, but comforting, hug and it causes my emotions to ramp up once again.
When he releases me, I hold it together as I back away.
But once I’m inside the house, door shut behind me, I feel the tears stream down my face.
What on earth is going on with me?
Why am I so emotional?
Because you’re embarrassed. Because you finally have something that you’ve always wanted, and last night made you unsure of everything you knew.
Insecurities creep in and take hold of my heart.
He didn’t want you.
He didn’t want your body.
He didn’t hold you.
He wanted nothing to do with you.
And even though he kissed me this morning, something feels off. Something doesn’t feel right. The idea of losing him is making me so emotional.
Because for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I’m in love. I’m so hopelessly, and desperately, in love with a man, and I’m afraid that he very well might not love me back.
But now is not the time for that, for those worries. Lottie is getting married, which means I need to be there for her. This is her day. I need to push aside my feelings, slap on a happy face, and focus on her. And who knows—maybe she does need help with a zit.
I wipe at my cheeks, take a few deep breaths, and then walk up the stairs to her bedroom. It’s time to get the bride ready for the day.
“Do you think people will be able to see it?” Lottie asks, looking into the mirror.
“With our concealer, no one will be the wiser,” Meredith, our makeup artist, says, reassuring Lottie.
It wasn’t a zit that she needed to worry about, but rather a hickey. Apparently, Huxley wanted to claim what was his one more time without a ring. And he did in spectacular fashion, right on the middle of her neck.
Unfortunately for me and my fragile state of affairs, seeing my sister with a hickey and about to get married only made me consider my current situation, which of course led to me having a mental breakdown in my sister’s bathroom. When I came out with puffy eyes and Lottie asked me what was the matter, I told her I’d gotten a charley horse while on the toilet and that it nearly made me fall to the ground in writhing pain. She told me Huxley got a charley horse the other night while pumping into her and that it was so bad, it made his penis shrivel right up. I’m not sure I’ll be able to look at Huxley the same after hearing that.
But I’ve been able to hold it together ever since, enough to feed myself, wash my body, and even engage in conversation about how excited I am for Lottie to be getting married. It’s been great.