I lean in toward JP and ask, “Seriously, where are we?” When I turn my head, our noses nearly touch as I whisper, “Is this a sex den?”
He chuckles. “Would you be mad if it was?”
Would I be mad? I honestly don’t know.
“It would be different. I’ve never been to one. Is that what this is? Is that what you like to do in different clubs, go to different sex dens? I mean, the red velvet says it all. Oh God, and we have front-row seats. We’ll see things.”
He chuckles and drapes his arm over the back of my chair, casually crossing his ankle over his knee. “Would you like to see things?”
“I’ll be honest. When you suggested I was innocent, I’d have to say, this is exposing some innocence, because I really have never done anything like this before. And I am nervous. Are they going to have sex? Like, strip down in front of us? Oh God, am I going to be turned on? Are you?” My eyes flash to his, which are truly smiling. “Do you get boners here?”
Leaning in close, he presses his mouth to my ear and says, “This isn’t a sex den, Kelsey. Nor a sex club, or anything to do with sex. So, rest that little innocent heart of yours.”
Hilary drops off our drinks, offers us a wink, and says, “Enjoy the show.”
“The show?” I ask, so freaking confused.
JP lifts his tumbler of Scotch and takes a sip, and then turns his attention to the stage as the curtain opens and the crowd erupts into loud cheers.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” a voice says over the loud speaker. “Please stay seated, holler at your own will, and bring your hands together for the incomparable, the magnificent, the hottest ass this side of San Francisco.” More uproarious cheers. “Mrs. Frisbee Lane.”
Frisbee Lane?
Is this a comedy show?
A one-person monologue?
A—
My thoughts cut off the moment a very tall, very beautiful human struts out onto the stage, dressed in full drag, with a wig that rivals Marie Antoinette, an ass bigger than a Kardashian’s, and nails longer than my hand.
“Good evening, my beautiful babies,” she says into a microphone.
“Oh my God,” I say quietly with glee as I turn toward JP. “Did you bring me to a drag show?”
He just smirks and sits back.
“We have quite the evening planned for you tonight. But before we get started, some quick reminders. Let the lip-synching be handled by the professionals, please refrain from bringing down the morale—you know us bitches love the drama, but not when we’re performing—and of course, as always, tips are appreciated.” She presses her hand to her chest. “I’ll be your emcee tonight, Mrs. Frisbee Lane. If you’re interested in tossing your frisbee down my lane after the show, my bartenders will take your number, and I’ll call you later, darling.” More hoots and hollers. “Now let’s get this night started with a club favorite. Put your hands together for Winter Lips.”
The lights dim, and I can’t help it, I place my hand on JP’s leg and say, “I can’t believe you brought me to a drag show. This is . . . this is so freaking amazing.”
From his pocket, he pulls out a wad of cash and holds it in front of me. “Have at it, babe. Tip well.”
And once again . . . my heart skips a beat.
“I’m so jealous of Fifi Heart’s cleavage,” I say as JP opens the waiting car door for me. Before I get in, I turn to him and press my boobs together. “How do I get that kind of lift?”
“You have plenty of lift. Now, get your ass in the car.”
“Not like Fifi,” I groan as I take a seat in the car and buckle up. “You saw it, her cleavage was kissing her chin.”
JP shuts the door behind him and buckles up, as well. “You’re perfect just as you are, Kelsey,” he says as he leans his head back and closes his eyes.
“Are you falling asleep on me?” I poke him in the arm. “You can’t fall asleep.”
He turns his head and smirks. “Just taking a second. Can you stop jabbering for a hot minute?”
“Well, excuse me if I just bore witness to one of the greatest shows of my entire life. I’m still reeling.”
“Greatest, huh?”
I nod and twist my body so I’m facing him. “JP, that was so much fun. And I never thought sliding money in between fake breasts could be so much fun, but, God, I feel like a new woman.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“I didn’t just enjoy it,” I say seriously, pulling his attention. “I honestly think that was the most fun I’ve had in a while.”