“I have to be out of here by August fifteenth.”
She took a breath and nodded. “I know. It’s okay. I’ll move back home.”
“Why don’t I rent you another place?”
“Rent me another place?” She reached for her glasses and slipped them on, as if her vision might have affected her hearing.
“Well . . . yeah. That way you don’t have to move back in with your parents when I go back to San Francisco.”
“So you wouldn’t live in the new place? It would just be for me?”
“Right. But I’d have a place to stay when I came to visit.” I smiled. Problem solved. “You can stock the kitchen with everything you like. You can take all the things I bought for here and keep them in the new place.”
But she shook her head. “That won’t make sense, Hutton. We’re supposed to break things off after the party, remember?”
“I’ve been thinking about that too.” I took a breath. “Maybe we don’t have to break things off entirely. Maybe we just say we’ve decided not to get married, but we’re still together.”
“We’re still together, but you live in San Francisco and I live here?”
I felt a slight ache behind my right eye. “I know it’s not ideal, but it’s better than nothing, right?”
She dropped her eyes to the pillow she held. “Better than nothing. Right.”
“Maybe we should talk about this later,” I said. “You’re not fully awake yet, and I kind of ambushed you with this.”
“I’m awake enough to say no.”
“Huh?”
She lifted her chin. “No. I don’t want you to rent me another place. I don’t want to be together but never together.”
“So you’d rather just break it off completely?”
“No, but—”
“Because those are the options,” I went on, angrier than intended. Why couldn’t she see that my plan made perfect sense? What more did she want from me?
“Those are the options? Something or nothing?”
“Yes.”
She nodded slowly. “Then I guess it’s nothing.”
“Felicity, come on. We’ve talked about this.” I shifted my weight from foot to foot. “I’ve never been dishonest with you about what I can offer.”
“I know.” Her voice broke. “And I’ll be honest with you now, and say that what you have to offer isn’t enough for me. I’m sorry.”
“We agreed,” I said testily. “We agreed that it’s foolish to jump into the deep end of the pool when you can’t swim.”
“I didn’t jump, Hutton.” Her shoulders rose. “I fell.”
Her words stabbed me in the heart, but I was a pro at masking what I felt inside. “You’re asking for something I can’t give.”
“I’m not asking for anything.” She wiped her eyes beneath her glasses. “You know, I’ve spent years being terrified of this very situation. Years of being careful with my heart so I wouldn’t ever be rejected.”
“Felicity. Stop.” I couldn’t take her tears—or the fact that I’d caused them.
“I thought I was so smart,” she said. “But here I am anyway. And even though I won’t ask for what I want, I won’t settle for less than I deserve.”
What the hell was I supposed to say to that? I didn’t want her to settle for less than she deserved either, but I couldn’t deliver it. She was insisting on all or nothing, and my all would never be enough.
Rather than admit my fears, I stormed out of the bedroom. A moment later, I slammed the front door behind me.
My idea had been a good one, dammit! It allowed us to keep seeing each other without the pressure of having to make an every-day relationship work. I’d been up front about the fact that I didn’t want that. I didn’t need that. I couldn’t handle that.
I hadn’t thought she wanted that either, but clearly I’d misjudged her. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d read the signs all wrong.
I started my car and threw it in gear, tearing down the driveway too fast.
Jesus, I was as bad as Wade, trying to be someone I wasn’t.
I should have just stuck to the fucking plan.
SEVENTEEN
FELICITY
Better than nothing?
When I heard the front door shut, I burst into tears. Which was so stupid—even if we weren’t faking everything, I’d known all along what we were doing was temporary. I wasn’t a kid anymore, blindsided by an ugly truth in the middle of the night. No one had lied to me. No one had made me any promises.