“That isn’t the point,” I said irritably.
“Of course not. Sorry. Go on.”
I took a breath. “Everything was fine until we got to New York. That’s where I started to get . . . confused.”
“Can’t imagine why,” she muttered, taking a sip of her lemonade.
“I was overwhelmed by the . . .” I rolled my hands like wheels on a bus. “Whirlwind of fantasy. It’s not easy to keep your feet on the ground when your head is in the clouds, you know? I was never the girl who dreamed about being the princess, but Hutton just has this way of making me feel so beautiful and special and deserving.”
“You are, Felicity.” Millie’s voice was firm. “Don’t doubt that.”
My throat hurt, it was so tight. “I don’t know what to do, Millie. Hutton is the only guy I’ve ever felt this close to. The one guy on the planet who gets me, who’s seen me at my best and worst, who knows the crazy inner workings of my mind and doesn’t judge me.”
Millie sat back and draped her arm over her head, half-eaten strawberry still in her hand. “Are you listening to yourself? The one guy, the only guy? You’re in love with Hutton.”
“Shhhhhhhh!” I made frantic erasing motions with my hands in front of her face. “Don’t say it!”
“Why not? I feel like that’s the one thing that’s been said in this kitchen in the last couple weeks that makes any sense at all. This whole fake fiancé routine is insane. You guys love each other. You’re good together. The whole reason people swallowed your whole cockamamie story to begin with is because it’s so obvious to those around you that you two are meant to be.” She shook her head. “I know you’ve got some weird allergy to love, which I have never fully understood, but it’s time to get over it, Felicity.”
I stared at her for a few seconds. “You want to know why I have an allergy to love? I’ll tell you.”
She swallowed and picked up her lemonade. “Yes. Please.”
Muffin purred on my lap, and I was grateful to have something soft and warm to hold as I finally spilled the secret I’d kept from her for over twenty years. “When I was six, I overheard the fight Dad and Mom had the night she told him she was leaving. She said she never wanted us.”
Millie’s jaw fell open. “Oh my God.”
“But that’s not all I heard her say.” In a calm, monotone voice, I laid out the details of what I’d heard, or at least what I remembered hearing. “And within days, she was gone.”
My sister’s face was stricken, her eyes full. “Why didn’t you say something about what you’d heard? To me or to Dad?”
“I didn’t want anyone else to be hurt,” I explained. “What she said meant she didn’t want you or Winnie either. And I knew I wasn’t supposed to be listening. I was worried I might get in trouble.”
Millie got up and disappeared into the bathroom off the front hallway. When she came out, she had a roll of toilet paper in her hand. “Sorry, I’m out of tissues.”
“I’m not going to cry over this,” I said evenly.
“I am.” She set the roll on the table, sat down again, and wept into her hands.
“Millie, don’t.” At seeing my sister upset, my heart broke. “She doesn’t deserve your tears. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you.”
“I’m not crying about her. I’m crying about you,” she said, her shoulders heaving. “Carrying that around all these years and never saying anything about it.”
The lump in my throat grew bigger. “It was a long time ago. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not!” she blubbered, looking up at me with a tear-streaked face. “You’re totally messed up over it. Now I understand why you left your relationships when someone told you they loved you. You never believed them.”
“Even if I did,” I said, shaking my head, “it wouldn’t matter in the end. People can love you one day and not the next. You won’t even know what you did until they’re gone.”
“Oh, Felicity.” Millie tore off some toilet paper and blew her nose. “Mom didn’t leave because of something you did. She left because she met someone else. She ran off with some other guy. She did it to get back at Dad for not paying enough attention to her.”
“But if she really loved us, she’d have stayed,” I insisted.