Everything I’d ever loved, everything I’d ever craved…felt pointless.
Unappealing.
Disgusting, even.
I couldn’t have been less into it.
“No, it’s fine. I just remembered I have to…” I didn’t bother finishing the sentence, already making my way across the bar and toward the front door.
What was wrong with me?
What had Ainsley done?
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
AINSLEY
It was after eleven before Dylan finally returned to the room. Maisy and Riley were already asleep, and I pointed toward the box of pizza resting on top of the mini-fridge when he looked at me.
“We got your favorite.”
He walked past the pizza box without a word, kicking off his shoes and sliding into bed next to Riley. He pulled the covers up over his shoulders. I considered reminding him to brush his teeth, but thought better of it.
“Love you,” I whispered, to no response.
I watched him, waiting for him to look my way, to offer me even a moment’s glance to let me know the hatred didn’t run too deep, but it never came. I couldn’t blame him.
I did know how it felt.
I was glad he had at least one parent who was there for him, but I knew that didn’t make it better. Going through my parents’ divorce was the most isolating experience of my life, and I knew each of the kids would have to work through it in their own ways and their own time, no matter how badly it stung. What I knew most of all was that I couldn’t allow him to get in touch with Peter. I couldn’t allow Peter to get to him. If I did, I worried I’d never see my son again.
When an hour had passed and the large lump in the bed that was my oldest son rose and fell with steady breaths, telling me he was asleep, I picked up my phone.
She answered on the first ring, as if she’d been expecting my call. Maybe she had. She always seemed to sense when I needed her.
“Hey, love. Whatcha up to?”
“Oh, you know…” Just the sound of Glennon’s voice put me at ease. “Just sitting here watching TV.”
“Anything good?”
“Not really. What are you up to?”
“I was reading the new Brené Brown book. Have you read it yet? Life changing.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“Everything okay? You sound sad.”
“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I just… I need a favor.”
“Okay. What’s going on?”
I cleared my throat. “I, um, well… Where are you right now?”
“We’re in Boulder for the next three and a half weeks, why? Is everything okay?”
Try as I might, I couldn’t decide how to bring it up. Saying the words aloud made them real, and I desperately didn’t want them to be real. “I was hoping that you might be down for some visitors.”
“What? Seriously? Of course I am. Always. That would be amazing. We are talking about you guys, right?” She laughed. “I should probably clarify before getting ahead of myself.”
“It would just be the kids. I can get them a plane ticket to Denver first thing in the morning. I need them to stay with you for a few days. Is that okay?”
She hesitated. “Of course it’s okay, but…is something going on? Haven’t they started school?”
“I convinced the school to give them extra time off around fall break for an educational trip. They just have to turn in papers about it. We went to a museum and an aquarium in Florida.”
“You were in Florida? Are you in Florida now?”
“No, we’re…actually, we’re at a hotel in Nashville.”
“Oooh, a hotel? Fun. A little staycation or something? Are you and Peter getting some alone time?”
I sucked in a sharp breath, tucking my shaking hand under my leg. “Actually, Peter and I are splitting up.”
“Oh, babe… I’m—gosh, I’m so sorry. I know you’d been having problems before, but I really thought you seemed better.”
“We were. We were better until we became worse. And now—” I stood, turning to face the window if only so I didn’t have to look at my children as I said it. “Now, I don’t see a way forward. He’s… He’s lied to me, Glennon. For so long—”
“About what? About Seth?” She was moving around on her end—the gentle swish of air into the microphone enough to tell me she was trying to get away from present company.
“No. No, it’s not about Seth. It’s about, well, everything. There’s so much I haven’t told you lately, and I can’t get into it right now, not over the phone.” Glancing over my shoulder at my children, I lowered my voice again. “I just need you to take the kids so I can be sure they’re safe and taken care of.”