“And you weren’t going to include me in that decision?”
“I’m including you now.”
“Because you’re about to die,” he said, scoffing, using his opposite hand to rub his bandaged wrist. The gauze he’d used to wrap it looked dirty and in need of changing.
“No matter the reason, I’m telling you. I’m pregnant. If you kill me, you’ll have to kill me knowing that.”
When he looked back at me, his eyes glistened with tears. “Another baby?”
I chewed my lip, nodding.
“D-do the kids know?”
“No one knows but me. And now you.”
He bent over, picking up the knife, both hands held up in surrender. “I don’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. But…what choice do I have?”
“I’m offering you a choice right now.”
“I’m listening.” He crossed his arms.
“I’ll come home. I’ll bring the kids home. We…we can try again. Start over and fix this. It’s…it’s not going to be easy.” I kept my eyes trained on the knife in his hands as he shifted. “It’s not going to be easy, okay? But when have we ever had things easy? We can do this, right? Because you were right…I do love you. And you love me. It’s why you haven’t killed me, isn’t it? You could’ve done it before I was able to fight back, but you didn’t. You waited.” I paused. “You waited because, as much as we may hate each other sometimes, we love each other more.”
He cocked his head to the side, his eyes darting back and forth between mine as if trying to decide whether or not to trust me. “I want proof that you’re pregnant.”
“Done. But I want something in return.”
“What?”
“I need to know where the bodies are, Peter.”
“Why? So you can turn me in again?”
“No, so I can protect myself. If you have them hidden, you could just as easily frame me.”
The corner of his mouth twitched and my suspected plan was confirmed. “We can’t make this work unless you tell me where they are.”
He seemed to contemplate it. “Maybe I could tell you where one is, but not yet.”
“When?”
“Patience,” he said. “I need to make sure you’re all in. Let’s handle the test first. Then we’ll get the kids home, and then maybe I’ll tell you. If you prove your loyalty.”
“No. That’s not fair. The only way this works is if we both lay all our cards on the table. I need to know you’re not going to double-cross me.”
“And what protects me, then?”
“The kids,” I said firmly. “I’ll call and have the kids come home.”
“Today?”
“Today.”
He looked unconvinced, but finally took a step back, still gripping the knife. “Let’s get you cleaned up first. They shouldn’t see you like that. And, Ainsley, if you try anything, I will kill you. I won’t hesitate. Please don’t make me do that.”
He pressed in the two bricks that opened the door from the inside and stepped out of the room, the fresh air as soothing as ice water on a hot day. I sucked it into my lungs as if it might keep me safe for just a moment longer.
He led me through the garage door and into the house. Near the bedroom, I breathed in the scent of the smoke. It was less potent than it had been, but still enough to give me a headache. It was a wonder Peter had been able to stay there. Although sometimes, when he was so in his head, it was a wonder he noticed anything at all.
“Get in the shower.” He pointed toward the hallway. “I don’t want them to see you this way.”
I did as I was told, making my way down the hall with him following closely behind. I refused to let him see me cry or let him see me afraid. I had to keep it together no matter what.
“Can I have some privacy?” I asked, standing in front of the bathroom door.
“Privacy from your husband? I don’t think so.” He reached around me and shoved the door open. “Come on.”
Once inside, I removed my clothes with shaking hands, turning away from him in an attempt to shield myself. He made no move to look away, nor any apologies that it had to be this way. In fact, I was pretty sure he was enjoying every moment of it.
In the shower, I washed myself slowly, the water painful against my many wounds. With my clothes off, I could see the bruises and scrapes on my knees, some older and some newer. Had I tried to escape before? Could I not remember it?