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The Bullet That Missed (Thursday Murder Club #3)(132)

Author:Richard Osman

Mike Waghorn says a few words, a number of which have to be repeated because the wind is picking up. He then suggests a little walk along the clifftop. Ron had known that he would.

‘I’ll sit this one out,’ Ron says. ‘You know what my knee’s like.’

A few raised eyebrows – they all know Ron doesn’t talk about his knees. But it shuts them up, and they are soon on their way. Pauline sits with him, as he knew she would.

‘You all right, lover?’ she asks.

‘I’m not so bad,’ says Ron. ‘Just thinking about my bathroom.’

‘You never fail to surprise me, Ronnie. You thinking about getting an air freshener?’

Ron smiles, but a little sadly. ‘Nah, just not used to having a woman around, am I? All the gear, you know, the creams, all the make-up and what have you.’

‘I’m taking up too much room, am I? You got no space for your Lynx Africa?’

‘I love it, if I’m honest,’ says Ron. ‘Feels intimate, doesn’t it? I’ve always been honest with you, you know, Pauline?’

‘I know, darling,’ says Pauline, looking concerned. ‘What’s all this about?’

‘Have you always been honest with me?’

‘Course,’ says Pauline. ‘I have the odd fag when you’re not looking, but apart from that.’

‘Robert Brown Msc,’ says Ron.

‘What about him?’

‘I know I’m not the clever one,’ says Ron. ‘But it’s about time I cracked something.’

‘Ron?’

‘It’s the make-up,’ says Ron. ‘It’s been sitting there in the bathroom all this time. All lined up under the mirror where I shave. Staring me in the face.’

Ron looks at Pauline. He doesn’t want to say it, but he has to.

‘Your mascara,’ says Ron. ‘Bobbi Brown, your favourite. Bobbi Brown Mascara. “Robert Brown Msc”。’

84

Donna and Bogdan kiss outside the car, they kiss in the hallway, they kiss by Elizabeth and Stephen’s front door. Bogdan is unused to public displays of affection. What if somebody sees? Also, he has a bag full of food that needs to go in the fridge.

But he is in love, and he accepts that will bring its own challenges. Bogdan knocks, then opens the door, calling Stephen’s name.

Stephen is sitting on the sofa in his pyjamas, which is not in the least unusual.

‘Here’s the happy couple,’ he says. ‘Look at you both.’

‘The very happy couple,’ says Donna. ‘Hello, Stephen.’

Donna is still holding her statue. Stephen levers himself up, and walks over to take a look.

‘Our old friend Anahita,’ says Stephen, his eyes lighting up. ‘Goddess of love and battle. Most appropriate.’

Donna smiles, and pops into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

Bogdan loves to see Stephen’s eyes sparkle. Loves to see that intelligence. Bogdan had seen the list that Stephen made of Henrik’s books. So detailed, so beautiful. He will give Stephen a shave later, and then a post-shave balm. Then a moisturizer. Stephen has never had a skin-care regime before – ‘Soap and water, old boy’ – but it is never too late to start. Maybe he should start giving him vitamins too? Would Elizabeth object? Just C and D to start with. He doesn’t get out enough.

‘Speaking of battle,’ says Bogdan, taking his seat by the chessboard. ‘We play?’