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The Bullet That Missed (Thursday Murder Club #3)(134)

Author:Richard Osman

‘Five grand?’ says Ron.

‘I say I don’t want money, come on, if you’re in trouble, let’s get started. So I make her up, like the picture. I get one of my wigs, fit it, give it a bit of a trim, and, ninety minutes later, it ain’t bad. Really not bad. She’s happy. She’s looking at her watch the whole time, and now she says, Pauline, that’s us, wish me luck, and I say where are you going, and she says, if you don’t hear from me by tomorrow morning, call the police, anonymous though, and I said I don’t want you going out there, I’m calling Mike, and she says, I have to. She gives me a hug, which she never does, and she gives me a bit of paper with numbers on it and says, “That’s the money for you,” and she takes off.’

Ron drums his fingers. ‘That’s the story?’

‘That’s the story,’ says Pauline. ‘You believe me, Ronnie?’

‘I believe you, Paul,’ Ron says. ‘I believe you’re telling me the truth. But you’re missing something out, darling. You’re missing out why you’ve never told anyone all this before. You knew where she was those missing hours. You knew she was heading off to meet someone. And you never told a soul? That doesn’t make any sense. You’d have been straight on to Mike, and straight on to the police. Come on.’

Ron sees Pauline glance towards the advancing walkers.

‘There was one more thing,’ says Pauline. ‘When we were fitting the wig. I have my wigs and a few costumes on dummies see, you know, mannequins, and before she leaves, Bethany says, can I borrow one? And I say, borrow a mannequin, you mad? But the whole thing’s been mad, so in the end I say go ahead.’

‘A mannequin?’

‘The next morning, they find her car at the bottom of the cliff, release the CCTV, all that, so I’m ready to ring Mike, but before I do, I have a little think. I think about the make-up, the photo she showed me, I think about the wig, I think about the mannequin, and the CCTV of the two figures in the car. I think about the clothes she’s wearing, Ronnie. I think I even said to her, “I wouldn’t be seen dead in those.”’

‘So, you think –’

‘I don’t think, I know. And, Ron, Mike was destroyed when Bethany died. He loved her, she loved him. And I took the view, for better or for worse, it would be a hundred times worse for him if he knew she’d faked the whole thing, run off to goodness knows where, with goodness knows what money, and not told him a dicky bird. Why on earth did she do it? I’ve never worked that out.’

Pauline looks out to sea.

‘There was no comeback. No one was accused of the murder, no harm done to anyone, and I kept quiet. Then you lot showed up, and there’re people dying left, right and centre, so I tried to drop a few hints. I knew I couldn’t tell the truth after all this time, but I thought you lot might figure it out, and Mike might have to face the truth. Thought it was about time.’

‘Stone me,’ says Ron.

‘I just tried to do what was best,’ says Pauline.

‘And the money?’

‘Never touched it,’ says Pauline. ‘Threw the piece of paper away, never thought about it again. Robert Brown Msc was Bethany’s joke, not mine.’

‘A pretty good one too,’ says Ron.

‘Yeah, you’d have liked her,’ says Pauline. ‘Can you forgive me, Ron?’

‘Nothing to forgive,’ says Ron.

‘Massage tomorrow? Little treat?’

‘Don’t push it,’ says Ron.

The others are nearly with them.

Ron looks over at Pauline. ‘Where do you think she is now?’