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The Candy House(88)

Author:Jennifer Egan

Due to the classified nature of this work, you are strictly forbidden to upload or share any portion of your consciousness for the duration of your life.

17

Pretend sleep can lead to actual sleep.

Sounds of showering suggest the return of your Designated Mate.

Beauties are expected to visit their rooms often to change clothes; a fresh appearance at mealtimes is essential.

The goal is to be a lovely, innocuous, evolving surprise.

A crisp white sundress against tanned skin is widely perceived as attractive.

Avoid overbright colors; they are attention-seeking and hinder camouflage.

White is not, technically speaking, a bright color.

White is, nevertheless, bright.

Delicate gold sandals may compromise your ability to run or jump, but they look good on tanned feet.

Thirty-three is still young enough to register as “young.”

Registering as “young” is especially welcome to those who may not register as “young” much longer.

If your Designated Mate leads you to dinner with an arm at your waist, assume that your attire change has been successful.

18

When men begin serious talk, beauties are left to themselves.

“How long have you been divorced?” suggests the wish to resume a prior conversation.

“A few months,” when untrue, should be said without eye contact.

“What was he like, your husband?” may be answered honestly.

“From Africa. Kenya” may satisfy a wish to talk about your husband.

“Black?,” with eyebrows raised, may indicate racism.

“Yes. Black,” in measured tones, should deliver a gentle reproof.

“How Black?” suggests that it did not.

“Very Black” is somewhat less gentle, especially when accompanied by a pointed stare.

“Nice” hints at personal experience.

“Yes. It is nice” contradicts one’s alleged divorce and should be hastily amended to “Was nice.”

“But not nice enough?,” with laughter, indicates friendly intimacy. Especially when followed by “Or too nice!”

19

House-party hosts are universally eager to make guests eat.

For most beauties, the lure of food is a hazard; as a short-term beauty, you can eat what you want.

Squab may be consumed by ripping the bird apart with your hands and sucking the meat from the bones.

A stunned expression suggests that your host expected the use of utensils.

The adjacency of his chair to yours may presage a confidence.

Turning your ear toward your host’s mouth will save you from having to smell his breath.

Ears must be kept clean at all times.

If your host warns you that your Designated Mate may pose a danger to you, assume that he has left the room.

20

Going to the bathroom is the most efficient means of self-jettisoning.

Never betray urgency, even in an empty hallway.

If you have no idea where your Designated Mate has gone, hold still.

If you find yourself beside a pair of glass doors, you may open them and look out.

Nights in the South of France are a strange, dark, piercing blue.

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