There.
Something flamed behind his eyes. Frustration.
“This isn’t going to help,” I said quietly.
“You’re not answering the question.” He cupped my face. His hands were big and warm against my cheeks. My eyes fluttered shut at the way he touched my skin. His voice deepened, rough with emotion. “Tell me you’re not feeling what I am right now, Adaline, and I will walk away.”
He meant it. It wasn’t an ultimatum, though. He was giving me an opening.
I didn’t want him to walk away. But I couldn’t see a way around all the obstacles. He had two years left in Ft. Lauderdale, minimum. Not once had he ever told me he’d leave.
Giving him shreds and snippets of my time, being able to get even less than shreds and snippets of his, facing down the reality of frustration and disappointment and it never being enough … it sounded like hell.
What we were together was nothing I’d ever felt. Didn’t know it existed. And that sort of half-relationship with those big, big feelings? I didn’t see it playing out well.
But I wouldn’t lie to him.
“It is not always that simple, Emmett,” I told him.
“It is.”
Unfair words clawed at my throat, and I choked them down.
That he’d never been in a serious relationship, so how could he possibly know.
That he’d never been in a position not to get something he wanted, and it was showing.
But nothing would be gained by saying them. It would only wound him, and I didn’t want to do that any more than I already was.
“I know that in two weeks, you’re going to settle in for another season, and I cannot be there with you.” I sucked in a deep breath. A sob lodged in my throat as I said it, and the words almost couldn’t get past it. “I cannot give you what you want right now.”
That was what terrified me most.
I wanted to.
I wanted to hop on a plane with him and forget everything. Forget anything else existed except us.
“People make long-distance work all the time,” he said. His voice was calm, but his eyes were raging with some unspoken emotion. “I know you have a lot on your plate, but we can do this. I will fly you to me whenever you want. I don’t care if it’s one night.”
I pressed a hand to my chest and struggled to pull in a full breath. I was freaking the fuck out, and I didn’t know how to stop it, how to put into words what bubbled dangerously underneath all of it.
His parents had such an amazing love for each other, were such good fucking people, and he was the fruit of that love. It showed in his confidence and his kindness, his drive and his intelligence.
He couldn’t understand because he’d never had to. And I was so glad for that.
That same thought from earlier slipped through again. I’d give up anything to do this with him.
Anything.
Anything.
It was like someone had an iron bracket wrapped around my throat when that word echoed through.
Even thinking it felt like accessing some hidden side of me I never wanted to exist.
That I’d be someone who could walk away.
For years, I stayed with someone who’d never threaten that unspoken fear. Nick was no threat to my heart because somehow—even at the beginning—I knew he’d never tempt me in that way.
But Emmett was everything. And I wanted everything with him, to the point that I’d give it all up so I could have it.