I pulled in a slow, steadying breath. If I told him all that, he’d reassure me that I didn’t have to choose, and my fears were unfounded.
But even then, it was only one piece.
And I had to give him something true if I couldn’t tell him that he had my heart.
“Emmett,” I said, swiping at my cheeks, “Tim’s cancer is back. I think it’s bad, too. That’s why they asked us all to come home on Monday after his appointment. If I have spare nights, that’s where I have to be. My mom, my family need me.”
His face went slack with shock. “Oh shit, Adaline.” He exhaled, and his arms tugged me tight into his chest. “I’m so sorry.”
In that unthinking response to pull me straight into the comfort of his arms, I lost my hold on my emotions. The dam crumbled, and when it came down, it was a spectacular crash.
I cried. I couldn’t stop it. It was the release I’d needed, and this one had nothing to do with any of the physical pleasure he was capable of bringing me.
I wanted to tell him all the things that scared me. I wanted him to help me carry every single thing because he would.
He rubbed my back and didn’t say a word while I sobbed. I was terrified of what would happen to Tim, and how our family would react after all the grief and loss that tied us together in the first place. And I cried because I was in love with someone I couldn’t have. Not in the way we deserved.
I’d never done anything as selfish as take this time with Emmett, and I couldn’t escape it.
He was in love with me too. I knew it without him saying a word.
When I pulled back, his eyes were red, and he pushed his thumbs over my cheeks.
“I wish I could take this for you,” he said.
I nodded jerkily. “I know.”
Maybe he still didn’t fully understand why I felt like I had to choose, but I could see on his face that he respected it.
“I wish I could be there with you,” he said in a fierce whisper.
I wished that too. Another selfish thought.
I wanted to crawl in bed with him after a hard day. I wanted to talk to him about what he was going through and listen to all the thoughts he wanted to give me. Little and big and between.
“What if,” he said slowly, “what if I could be closer?”
I stared up at him, something impossibly warm curling through me. “Emmett,” I whispered. My mouth was desert dry. “What are you saying?”
His face settled into something firm, something determined. “What if I could be closer?”
My mind raced, my heart near to exploding from how fast it was beating. “I would never make you switch teams for me,” I said.
“That’s not what I asked, though.” He slid his hands into my hair, cupping the back of my head. “I know you’d never do that. Just like I’d never ask you to leave your family when they need you.”
“But you … your contract …” My voice trailed off.
He blew out a slow breath. “Yeah. My contract.” His eyes held no false promise, and I loved him for that too. “It won’t be easy. And I can’t guarantee anything.”
The momentary hope, that bright light he’d kindled under my ribs, it flickered ominously.
But it was still there.
I held my breath while he dipped his head and locked his gaze with mine. “I am in love with you, Adaline Wilder. And if it is within my power to give you what you want, I’ll do it.”
Tears spilled over my cheeks, quiet and steady, and he wrapped me in his arms again.