I抦 twenty-nine, way too old to be a pawn, but he still does his best, offering extravagant vacations, timed to hurt my mother梠n her birthday, or Mother抯 Day梐nd claims it抯 a coincidence. When I was younger, he said he抎 pay for college, but only if I spent the summers with him and his new wife on Nantucket. Law school? Sure. But I抎 have to give him every Thanksgiving and winter break in exchange.
I take a vicious sort of pleasure in being the one thing he can抰 buy.
揟ell him I抦 busy,?I say to Terri when he calls.
She gives me one of those heavy sighs of hers, the kind that says she doesn抰 approve of ignoring a parent, even if he抯 an asshole.
揋emma,?she says, 搄ust talk to him. He抯 called so often even I抦 starting to feel bad for him.?
I love Terri, but sometimes I wish the other associates kept her busy enough that she抎 have less time for scolding me into responsible adult behavior.
Internally groaning, I hit the speaker button, my voice civil and nothing more. 揌i, Dad.?
揑抳e been trying to get ahold of you for a while. FMG must be keeping you busy.?
揟hey are.?I turn to my laptop and start clearing out junk mail.
揝o, have they made you partner yet??
His timing is impeccable. 揑t won抰 happen for a few more months.?
揧ou know if you came to my firm, you抎 already be a partner. You might be an equity partner by now.?
揝o you抳e mentioned. Repeatedly.?And I might not always love the work I do at FMG, but I抎 hate the work I抎 do for my father. I doubt there抯 ever been a time when his firm wasn抰 on the wrong side of history.
揝peaking of work,?he continues, 揑 was thinking I might make a donation to that charity you like. That women抯 thing卼he domestic abuse one.?
So generous, Dad, to give money to a charity you don抰 even know the name of. Surely, no strings attached there.
揟he Women抯 Defense Fund.?
揑s fifty thousand enough, you think? If so, I抣l probably throw a little party to celebrate. And since you抳e inspired the donation with your work, I抎 love to have you there.?
Fifty grand to charity for a few hours of my time梙e makes it sound so simple, so clear-cut, but it never is. If I agree, it will suddenly involve other events, or will be taking place on Christmas day, somewhere far from my mom. With my father there抯 always a catch.
揥ell, let me know when it is. I抦 pretty busy here.?
揑 was thinking February,?he says. 揗aybe we抣l do it in conjunction with Stephani抯 birthday.?
My irritation coalesces into a tight ball of rage. Stephani is his wife, the one with whom he cheated on my mother, the one who now lives in my mother抯 house.
What he抯 saying is he is willing to pay fifty grand for me to attend Stephani抯 birthday. He wants The Washingtonian and Town and Country to show us together as a family, and he抣l make sure the press refers to me as their daughter, cutting my mother out of the picture entirely, as if she never existed.
揑抦 definitely not available then, Dad,?I reply. 揑抎 better go.?
I stare out the window after I hang up, trying to see LA the way I did nine years ago, back when it seemed like a fresh start, a break from my family抯 chaos. I was so different then梥omeone who smiled simply at the feel of the sun on her face, someone with big dreams. Would I still be her if I hadn抰 worked at Stadler during law school? Who would I be if I抎 been able to stay?
I guess the question is pointless, since staying wasn抰 an option.
But I miss those other versions of myself anyway.
Fields asks to see me in his office that afternoon, a turn of events Terri is expecting too much from. She thinks he抯 going to tell me I抳e made partner, except the principals here don抰 give anything away freely梡artnerships, bonuses, praise. If it was up to them, they抎 pay us in nickels thrown at our feet while we dance. And if Fields didn抰 announce my promotion at the meeting, he抯 sure as hell not going to hand it over privately.
I walk down the long hall to his corner office, with its sweeping views of downtown LA, but stop short when I realize Ben Tate is already there. If Ben and I are being called in at the same time, it means one of us is here to get scolded, and this time it抯 probably me. I may or may not have recently encouraged people to call Ben 搕he Undertaker? If he doesn抰 want unbecoming nicknames, maybe he shouldn抰 go after a client抯 ex-wife for funeral expenses.
I plaster a smile on my face and stride to the available seat. I will laugh this off, apologize, and then make whichever associate ratted me out wish he抎 never heard my name.
This is already the case for most of them.
Ben and I eye each other. I scoot my chair an inch farther from his.
揥hat am I going to do with you two??Fields asks, glancing between us. 揧ou always look like you抮e one step from a knife fight.?