揋emma, don't do anything rash,?she says. 揧ou were still part of something amazing. You'll be able to write your own ticket anywhere.?
I nod, numbly. I want to have a tantrum, but isn抰 that exactly what they will expect of me? And then behind my back they will make jokes about how it must be 搕hat time of the month?and how much it would suck to 揵e married to that.?No way am I giving them the satisfaction.
I抣l wait until I抦 calm to resign, but I can抰 stay here in the meantime. I need to be back home with the one person I know I can trust.
I go to my office and grab my laptop and purse. From the elevator I look toward the conference room, where a bunch of men in suits celebrate, alongside a bunch of women who won抰 ever make partner.
Six fucking years. And my life hasn抰 changed a bit.
46
The first time Ben Tate walked into FMG, my breath caught.
I抎 been curious about him, before that first meeting梟o one really understood why he抎 come to us when he抎 already made partner at a more successful firm梑ut that抯 all it was: curiosity, easily satisfied.
And then I saw him梱ounger than I抎 expected, and taller, and lovelier梐nd he was already looking at me when I entered the room as if I was exactly what he抎 been waiting for.
When our eyes locked, his smile was sheepish. A moment later, I was the one sneaking a glance. He caught me; I blushed to my roots. I抎 sworn off men like him, but in five minutes?time, I was already trying to make an exception.
We all introduced ourselves to him after the initial meeting. When it was my turn, I started to tell him my name and he stopped me with an embarrassed smile. 揑 know who you are,?he said. 揑 saw you in court decimating a partner at my last firm.?
He said it as if impressed, and I blushed again. 揂 few of us are going to the bar across the street tomorrow night,?he told me. 揑f you抮e free.?He held my eye. It felt like he was asking something more.
I was terrified梠f how badly I wanted to go, of how much I wanted to see his uneven smile again, and as soon as possible. I opened my mouth to reply, but Fields was there, dragging him off. I抦 still not sure what I was going to say.
When I found out, the very next morning, that he抎 stolen Brewer Campbell from me, the first emotion I felt, even before rage, was relief. As if I抎 been spared a much worse fate, as if being able to hate him would make my life easier.
If only I could have kept hating him, because I抦 never, ever going to recover from Ben Tate. I think I knew I wouldn抰， even that first day we met.
47
I do not sleep a wink on the red-eye to DC. I want to cry, but I抦 too stunned. Where do I go from here? The last six years of my life have been spent working toward one goal I didn抰 achieve, and the only thing I actually loved about my job was the man who just made sure I didn抰 achieve it.
My mother hovers over me from the moment I arrive home. I summed up what happened, but she抯 struggling to believe Ben is a man like Kyle, like my father. Little surprise, that. Her picker has proven, historically, to be every bit as bad as mine.
揌ere,?she says, sliding a glass of something bright green, flecked with brown. 揑t抯 a kale and spirulina smoothie. Just try it. You抮e probably low on Vitamin D, which causes depression.?
揈veryone is low on Vitamin D,?I argue, glancing at the kitchen counter. Since when does my mom shell out for spirulina? You can抰 even walk into Whole Foods without spending more than she makes in a day. That抯 when I notice the five-hundred-dollar blender sitting on her counter.
揧ou bought a Vitamix??I ask. This is my mom, who thinks she抯 okay with nothing but three chipped plates, after all.
She bites her lip. 揑抳e always wanted one,?she begins. 揂nd I抳e been meaning to discuss it with you, once you weren抰 so busy. Your father called out of nowhere and said he wants to make things right. He sent me a very, very large check.?
揌e did? And what did he demand in exchange??
She smiles. 揘othing, hon. He said you spoke to him and he realized he抎 been wrong.?
I push a hand through my hair. 揗om, he doesn抰 do anything out of the goodness of his heart. Did he make you sign something? Was there any kind of verbal agreement??
Her laugh is quiet and unhappy, as if it抯 sad that I抦 so suspicious when what抯 actually sad is that she isn抰， after everything he抯 done. 揘o, Gemma. Nothing. Isn抰 it possible that he wanted to do the right thing? Or maybe just wanted to earn your respect??
揑t would take a lot more than that,?I reply, and my voice cracks. He didn抰 even tell me he was doing it and he didn抰 try to force my hand at all. Maybe he finally heard me when I exploded at him on Christmas, or maybe this is just a ploy to get me to come to his firm. 揥hy are you still working two jobs, then??