He starts walking, his gloved hand brushing loose snow from the hedging as we disappear into the towering green maze. ‘FYI, this method is particularly useful if you’re running away from something terrifying and it’s pitch black. At least, it was when we were kids,’ he adds with a self-depreciating laugh.
He’s talking about Krampuses long passed, but I can’t help but feel the very real possibility of this advice becoming necessary at some point during my stay.
‘And you’re certain this method works?’ I ask, casting my eyes up to the high edges of the maze walls.
‘Yeah, it’ll get you in and out. But it only works on a simple maze,’ he says.
‘Wait, this is a simple maze?’ I say, pulling him up.
‘Simple maze is a term. It doesn’t mean it’s easy; it’s a technical description of the structure. A simple maze is a maze with one connected wall. A complex maze has bridges, unconnected walls. To get out of one of those you’d need to use Trémaux’s Algorithm.’
I look up at Edward, suddenly getting a glimpse of what his childhood must have really been like.
‘Trémaux’s Algorithm? Bloody hell, Ed. How many you been stuck in?’
‘Enough,’ he says with good humour. ‘I won’t bore you with Trémaux. Unless we go to the place in Rouen, it won’t become relevant.’
As we turn the next corner, I bump directly into a sweaty, red-faced Lila.
‘Jesus Christ,’ she yelps, grabbing her throat. Wet hair pokes out beneath her thick bobble hat, her cheeks flushed with cold and exertion. ‘Oh my God. Thank God – people,’ she gasps, letting out a convulsive giggle. ‘How the hell do you get out of this fucking hedge? I was on a call with Milo’s dad and I wandered in here. Thought the distraction might calm me down. It did not,’ she declares, shivering deeply. She must be absolutely freezing after her swim.
‘It’s fine. We’ll walk you out,’ I tell her.
‘Yes. Yes, please,’ she says, a sigh juddering from her. ‘I need to get back and sort Milo out.’
‘I thought Milo was staying at his dad’s until Boxing Day?’ I ask as we lead her efficiently back the way we came.
‘Yeah, it’s not going well. Milo won’t leave his room. Just screaming for me to come pick him up. They can’t do anything with him. I feel guilty but then, you know, I also don’t. The new girlfriend is a real number.’
Lila clocks my, apparently not so masked, surprise at the judgement.
‘I would never say it around Milo of course,’ she adds, horrified at the thought. ‘Anyway, they want me to come pick Milo up. Now. And they want me to arrange therapy for Milo for next year.’ She shakes her head.
‘Jesus,’ Edward intones. ‘I wish there was something we could do. Do you want to talk to Mother about it – she knows some people in the city?’
Lila looks up, suddenly a little lost. ‘Um, yeah. God maybe they’re right, maybe the whole thing hit him harder than I thought,’ she sighs.
‘I’ll get Mother to pass some names on to Stu for you,’ Edward says gently. Lila cracks a weak smile before nodding.
‘Great. Only thing is now I’ve got a five-hour drive. Stuart should definitely stay here; I do not need him meeting my ex on top of everything else. I’ll pick Milo up, stay overnight at a hotel, and we’ll make it back here for Christmas morning.’
‘I’m so sorry this is happening on Christmas Eve. That you can’t stay and relax,’ I say with sympathy to her, but the truth is I feel like I’m losing an ally here at The Hydes.
‘No, God. I’d cross the country ten times over for my child. Besides, it’ll be fun. Road trip. I just wish I didn’t have to drag him through this kind of thing every holiday. Every birthday. This back-and-forth bullshit,’ she grimaces as she turns from us to head back inside. ‘Sorry, I’m cold and cranky. Thank you for listening.’