41 We Play Alone
Saturday 24 December
At around 7 o’clock, Christmas music begins to fill every room of the house, a soft jingle with an almost recognizable melody I can’t quite put my finger on. It’s unclear where it’s coming from, but it fills the building like the scent of oranges, wine and roasted meats coming through from the kitchen.
It’s nearly time for dinner.
Up in the blue room, I slip into the dress Edward bought me and examine myself in the full-length mirror. Behind me, Edward shrugs on a crisp suit. I watch his reflection as he fixes his cufflinks, take in his dark, tousled hair, his strong features, so similar to his father but so different. He grins as he catches me looking and I feel desire stretch awake inside me.
‘You look good,’ I tell him.
He slips an arm around my waist as he holds my gaze in the mirror, his lips travelling to kiss my bare neck as far down as my dress allows. I try to push my fears about tonight from my mind. I try to be present, with Edward, but I cannot stop my thoughts. Robert is waiting for me downstairs. The only man in the world who knows what I truly am and the only one who can destroy everything. I let my eyes bat closed as Edward’s hand slips into the opening of my dress and over my breast. I lean back into him, giving myself over to my animal need for him. I let my mouth find his, warm and wet, as the distinctions between father and son blur once more.
* * *
Matilda and Stuart are seated by the fire when we make it down to the drawing room. Eleanor, elegant in a white rollneck complimenting her sharp grey bob, turns from the candles she is lighting as we enter.
‘There we are,’ she coos, gesturing for us to settle wherever. I take a seat on the sofa opposite Stuart and Matilda. Matilda’s wearing green cigarette pants, an emerald necklace popping against her red hair. Edward perches on the sofa edge beside me, protective.
‘We were just talking about how Stuart always scares women off,’ Matilda grins, nudging Stuart. ‘Lila’s cut and run already.’
Edward splutters out a laugh as Fiona and Oliver walk in.
‘What’s so funny?’ Oliver asks, slipping into an armchair.
‘Stuart,’ Matilda says simply.
‘Dinner in ten, everyone,’ Eleanor declares as she hands around drinks. ‘We’re just waiting for your father to come down.’
Fiona sinks into the sofa beside me with a sigh. She pushes her brunette waves to one side revealing the thin red spaghetti straps of her figure-skimming dress. She leans back heavily into the sofa cushions.
‘The kids are with Nunu for the night. In the lodge.’ She exhales with a shake of the head. ‘God, I love coming here for Christmas.’ I take in her outfit, her incredible figure. Up until now I had no idea she even had a figure hidden under her casual everyday clothing.
She looks at me conspiratorially, an oddly different person now that her children are elsewhere.
‘You look amazing,’ I tell her beneath the hubbub of conversation.
‘You too,’ she smiles, then leans in to whisper, ‘I guess you got the dress code memo.’
‘Edward bought it for me,’ I say, looking down at my dress.
‘Oh, and cute flower.’
I follow her gaze to my lapel and the bright pop of blue there. The flower Robert told me to wear if I understood his instructions. My secret admission of knowledge visible for all to see.
I sip my sparkling water, wishing it were something stronger as the conversation ebbs and follows around me, one eye constantly locked on the doorway.
He must have used another entrance, however, because I hear his voice behind me before I see him.