Priceless? Don’t you dare cry, Zahra.
“You’re selfless, caring, and willing to go above and beyond to help those around you. You tutor kids for free, and you bring a grumpy old man bread and cookies. And the selfish part of me wanted to steal a piece of you for myself. You reminded me of what it was like to not feel so damn lonely all the time, and I didn’t want to lose that.”
How in the world can I respond to that? I don’t have a chance because Rowan keeps talking.
“I took your kindness for granted, and I abused your trust. So for that, I’m sorry.”
I blink away my tears. “What made you want to confess?”
“I couldn’t keep pretending after our day at Dreamland. I became addicted to the way you made me feel, to the point that I couldn’t find a way to tell you who I really was. I was afraid and I didn’t want it to end. So, instead of giving myself up, I found ways to spend time with you as Rowan while purposefully stealing the rest of your attention as Scott. It was a stupid idea. It was unfair of me, but I don’t regret a single thing except hurting you.”
Wetness emerges, making my tear ducts full. I’ve never heard Rowan talk this much, and I realize it’s such a shame. The way he speaks…it’s beautiful. He makes me feel beautiful. Not the superficial kind either, but in a way that makes me proud of who I am. In a way that makes me think he cares about my soul first and foremost.
He might have lied, but his intentions behind continuing the fantasy are so damn sad that I want to cry for him. What kind of person is so lonely, they would willingly text someone with a pseudonym?
The one desperate to be loved back.
My throat tightens. “What about the buddies program?”
He groans. “God. I’m going to sound crazy.”
The corners of my lips tug up. “Maybe I like your kind of crazy.”
And I truly mean it. Anything is better than the icy exterior Rowan portrays to the world.
“I’m the one who stole all the papers except for one because I didn’t want anyone to have your number.”
My jaw drops open. “You what?” Holy shit. How far does all this go?
He removes his glasses and drags a hand down his face. “When you caught me, I was angry at myself for feeling so stupid, and I took it out on you. But then once I showed up at the meeting, I realized what you were trying to do for people like your sister. I attended the first one for purely selfish reasons, but I stayed because I like Ani. She makes me laugh and she’s sweet, just like you.”
My lashes become damp from the unshed tears. No normal man would steal all the papers with my number unless he cared. And the way he talks about Ani… It’s so simple, yet it means the world to me. It’s everything I wanted with Lance but was denied.
My pounding heart feels like it might escape through my throat.
Rowan likes me.
And he hates it.
My small smile becomes a grin.
“Why are you smiling? Did you not hear a thing I said?”
“You like me,” I blurt out.
“No. I tolerate you more than most people. That’s why I want to date you.”
The laugh that explodes out of me has Rowan rearing back.
“You find this funny?”
“A little. But it’s cute.”
He sighs.
It clicks for me. “You don’t like the idea of liking me.”
“I can’t promise you that I won’t mess up again. I’m learning as I go, but there’s something about you that makes me happy in a way I haven’t felt before. So, if you want to quit, I understand, but go knowing that I never wanted to harm you or make you feel like a fool.” He stares at me, making me feel exposed in a whole new kind of way.