Beep. Beep. Beep.
“Don’t go,” I beg as I fight the warmth and reach up to caress her face. She tilts her head in confusion, disappearing briefly as the overpowering light again obstructs my view.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
A distant voice sounds from beyond the trees, but it’s not hers.
“Fight it, man. Come on, T.”
I’m safe here, lying beneath her, her dark blue eyes beckoning me to stay, just a little longer. But the moon threatens, and now she’s fading, still smiling as she whispers to me. It shifts again as I call to it, asking for a little more time, and the man inside mocks me with his smile, betraying me by fully stealing the sight of her. I cry out at the loss, and it glows brighter and brighter until I’m blinded by it—until it’s all I can see.
All at once I’m thrust into it as it burns my eyes, and pain takes over. Pain from the loss of her, everywhere, it’s all I can feel.
She’s gone.
“There you are.” A face appears, the face of a young woman, blocking out the light above, but it’s not hers.
“Ce—，” I croak, but I’m unable to speak, my throat raw.
“She’s okay, man.” I recognize the voice as a masculine hand grips mine. “I swear to you. We’ve got her covered. She’s okay.” Tyler. His shadowed face becomes clearer as he stands above me, worry etched in his eyes. “Don’t fight. Don’t fight, man. Let them do their thing.” His eyes dart to the woman, who isn’t her. It’s not Cecelia.
Furious, I struggle against him. I need to get back to her.
“Tres—，” my tongue is coated in copper, my words blocked as Tyler curses and a picture flits through my mind—a memory, my feet pounding on the pavement, as Eddie Vedder sings about a sun in someone else’s sky. I’ve just lost everything that mattered in my own. My sun, my moon, every fucking burning star between them. I want the moon back, even if it mocks me, and it won’t matter to me, because at least I’ll be with her. But I wasn’t…
I was running. I was running when…
Awareness drives into me like a freight train as I jerk back into reality while Tyler stands above me, his hand pinning me back as the girl speaks to me in an attempt to calm me. But she’s not Cecelia.
Cecelia wasn’t here.
She was never here.
My eyes blister with the truth as I close them, feeling the full weight of it as hot anger leaks out of me, and I let out a soundless scream.
Those bullets failed me.
“Jesus Christ, Man,” Tyler croaks. “Please, brother. Please don’t.” Tyler hovers above me, his red-rimmed eyes filling as he reads the truth in my own.
I don’t want to be here.
Anywhere but back here. Not anymore. Not without Dom. Not without her.
Cecelia.
I was in the street as a group of strangers gathered around me, their faces a blur as I fixed on the cloud-filled blue sky behind them, relieved. Because I didn’t have to force the lie of living anymore as I bled out on that sidewalk. Relief was coming. Maybe Dom would meet me. Maybe my parents.
But those bullets fucking failed me. They fucking failed me. And I’m back here, without her. I’m breathing again without a reason to. I don’t want this life. I don’t want any life. Enraged tears sting my eyes, and I stop struggling, utterly defeated as he presses me back against the bed.
“Fuck,” Tyler rasps out hoarsely, his eyes darting over to the side of the room where I know Sean is sitting, looking on at me with the same pity. I avert my gaze because I know they see the truth. I’m not the same man anymore. I don’t know who I am. And I don’t care.