We could leave, flee together until the smoke clears, until I can give them time to deal with their anger and come back and test the waters. I dismiss the idea as soon as it occurs to me. I’ve never abandoned them, and I won’t add to my own betrayal by doing it now, no matter how appealing it is to just whisk her away and keep her.
It’s selfish, and that’s what got me in this situation.
Dom will see the logic in marking her for one purpose only, for protection. Sean won’t see it as anything but a possessive play on my part.
Both of them will be right.
But is she truly mine?
The look in her eyes this morning told me that is the truth of it, and I still feel it. She’s mine, made for me, the only soul on this earth I’ve ever felt matched with, safe, home. The feel of her when I took her only hours ago, the lust-drunk slur of my name leaving her lips, and love-filled look in her eyes as she tightened around me convinced me nothing else has ever been so true.
She is mine. I still feel it with every fiber of my being, despite the way her heart broke upon seeing them again and the betrayal she felt for loving me back, for knowing she belongs with me.
This has gone too far.
Lighting a cigarette, I draw the tobacco in deep and exhale before taking back more gin.
Tick tock.
Every second is like a lash to the chest. I’ve already given the order to mark her. The minute she’s asleep, she’ll be branded as mine.
I’ve made bold and calculated moves since I was young, but the stakes have never been so high. My heart may have decided, but my mind is in fucking shambles. I’m utterly torn and have no idea which way to move.
The look on Dom’s face, the rage in his posture, the hurt in his eyes, and Sean…I close my eyes and clearly picture his ravaged expression and the tears he freely shed, something I could never have anticipated.
I completely negated the depth of their feelings due to the nature of their relationship. And the truth was so blatant today. She loves them. The look in her eyes when they discovered us and the emotions whirring between the three of them is tearing me apart.
Every one of my gambles in the past has paid off. But like the others, once in motion, this is something that can’t be undone.
I can’t. I can’t do it.
Pulling up my cell, I quickly tap a text to execute the order, my finger hovering on send.
She needs this mark. Anyone who saw her at the meetup knows her importance. She became leverage for any enemy of the club the minute she got involved with them. And from what I’ve gathered, Sean flaunted her all over Triple Falls when they were together. I still can’t fucking comprehend what either of them was thinking, and instead of giving them a chance to explain, I’d acted as judge and jury and passed sentence. They’d served it, willingly and without much of a fight, to appease me.
And in return…I destroyed us.
As much as I want to regret it, I can’t. Despite how we happened, her love is the purest thing I’ve ever known.
And I’m about to punish her for it.
I hang my head as the lyrics of the song wrap around my heart, feeding me a desperate sort of hope. Father Figure. Is that how she sees me? The lyrics cut jaggedly down the center of my already tattered chest as I try my best to think of a way to get to her.
If I go to her right now and give her my reasons and the absolute truth, will she believe me? Or will I be fully at her mercy to the point she won’t listen to what’s important?
“Goddamnit!” Ripping off my jacket, I toss it onto the ground and stare up into the night sky. This place is where I’ve come since I was a child to find my answers, where they came to me through dancing rays of moonlight. But there’s no moon in sight. Those rays are non-existent when I need them most. It’s as if whatever gift I’ve been granted knows I’ve betrayed my path by falling in love.