“I think a sense of humor may make this a lot less bloody, but it’s clear by the look on your face you don’t share that opinion.”
“You lived with her.” The admission is just above a whisper.
“You dreamt about Alicia?”
“She knew you. You let her know you. She knew your brand of toothpaste. She probably picked out your fucking ties in the morning. Things you let her know.”
“Don’t,” I shake my head, hating the direction this is going, “don’t do that.”
“You threw me away, but you lived with her. I never even got to see where you lived.”
“Yes, you did. You saw the only place I ever considered home. The shithole my aunt owned at the edge of town. That was the only home I knew in Triple Falls. The rest were just places to rest my head between business trips. I haven’t had a real home since my parents died, and I didn’t live with her.”
“She made it seem like you did.”
“And I let you think that.”
“Of course, you did,” she lets out an exasperated laugh.
I can’t help the bitter edge with my delivery. “Glass houses, Cecelia. Need I remind you that you were wearing a fucking two-carat engagement rock when you drove back to Triple after leaving your live-in fiancé? Or is he still an afterthought?”
Chill, Tobias. Right fucking now.
I close my eyes, dreading seeing the evidence of that cutting comment.
“How dare you,” she croaks, her voice barely audible. “So, it’s my fault? I had to move on. It’s not like you gave me a choice.”
“I know,” I swallow. “I’m sorry. That was jealousy speaking. Ask me anything.”
She looks away, and her silence only makes the ache grow.
“We have to talk about this. We’ve wasted enough fucking time.”
“We?”
“Fine, me. Merde!” I clench my fists. “If you want to play the blame game, I take it all, all of it, okay? As far as living arrangements, I…we, have a condo in Charlotte, a townhouse in Paris, an apartment in Spain, and a hideaway in Germany.”
“You and Alicia?”
“Are you fucking serious right now? We, as in you and me. She was never my future, Cecelia.”
She seems to mull it over. “And the finish line?”
I nod. “Still there. Never set foot in it. And you and I practically lived in Roman’s house together.”
“It’s not the same. And that was all an illusion anyway, wasn’t it?”
“No, it wasn’t. But what you had was just a dream. I know they feel real to you, but it was just a dream.”
“Or a warning I should take seriously.”
Stab. I feel it everywhere. But I’ll let her have this fight and a thousand more.
“We weren’t together long,” I offer and cringe when I see it does shit to help.
“Neither were we if we’re keeping score and if dating is what you want to call it.”
“What we did was not dating, don’t downplay what’s brought us back to this point. We fell in love, and it devastated us and everyone around us to the point we destroyed lives, including our own. And I’m to blame. But here we are, and we still love each other, more so now because we’re wise enough to know what we’ve lost. It’s not going to take a day to get over the things I’ve said and done, the lies I’ve told, or the shit we’re going to have to work through. But I’m owning my part, the way you asked me to, the way you need me to, the way I need to. And all I’m hoping for is that you ask me what you need to, so I can own up to it, and we don’t waste any more time.”