“Nah, you can’t live without me.”
I don’t add how she’s going to have to at some point. No one’s banking on me living another eighteen years. Not even Dalma, even if she’ll never admit it out loud and always talks about everything we’ll get to do together in life. Like her dreams of my first book signing whenever I get serious enough to pursue publication of my super-short stories or the novel I’d love to write if only I believed I’d live long enough to finish it. Or cheering Dalma on as she takes the tech world by storm. And ragging on whatever dates we bring home, which has always felt unbelievable because there’s no way we’d ever be bold enough to say what’s up to guys we think are cute and/or interesting. If I didn’t have this stupid-ass heart, we could have all that and more.
I just got to be present. I might not make it to the future, but I can live in the now.
Though it’s kind of hard to get death off the brain—yeah, brain, not heart this time—when some fortysomething dude walks past us with a sign that reads Death-Cast Is Ending The World. Like, okay, he’s not a fan of Death-Cast, but claiming that they got the power to end the world? That’s a lot. He’s not alone, though. Since Death-Cast was announced at the start of the month, these doomsayers have been running their mouths about boiling oceans and sweeping storms and crumbling grounds and burning cities. I get that apocalyptic and dystopian novels are hot right now, but people need to take a breath and chill.
Freaking out about death every minute isn’t a good life, and yet, tons of people are freaking out about death every minute.
It’s like the end of the world is actually beginning.
In the past few days there’s been a record number of supermarket breakins as looters stock up on canned goods and gallons of water and toilet paper. There’ve been too many killing sprees because life sentences won’t last long if the world ends as quickly as the doomsayers are predicting. But nothing hits harder than hearing stories about those who’ve taken their own lives because we’re speeding toward a future with too many unknowns.
I was pissed after hearing about those deaths.
How could Death-Cast have access to this info and not prevent the murders, or intervene with the suicides? But apparently that’s never been in the cards. Death-Cast claims they can’t pinpoint someone’s cause of death, only their End Days to prepare them. And unfortunately, once someone’s name comes up in their mysterious system, their fate is written in stone—and later on their headstone.
Death-Cast may not be all-knowing, but they’ll do wonders for my anxiety. If I don’t get the End Day call, I’ll be good to live more boldly instead of second-guessing, triple-guessing, quadruple-guessing every damn thing I do out of fear of pissing off my heart and triggering cardiac arrest. I’ll also never be caught off guard again by loved ones dying. Like I was at nine years old when my parents went into the city for a meeting and were killed after a plane was flown into the World Trade Center’s south tower. My parents obviously didn’t have Death-Cast back then, but I’m forever haunted thinking about how there must’ve been a clear moment when they were certain they were going to die.
I swing at those heartbreaking thoughts, knocking them all back.
Death-Cast will make sure I’m never denied a goodbye ever again.
Well, the chance to say my goodbyes.
I know I don’t have all the time in the world, I feel it in my heart.
I got to go live my firsts—maybe even lasts—while I can.
Valentino Prince
10:22 p.m.
Death-Cast can’t call me because I’m not registered for their service. Not that they would anyway since my life is only getting started.
If anything, I feel like I’ve been reborn today.
Rebirths feel appropriate as someone born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona. Now it’s time to restart my life in none other than New York. From the Valley of the Sun to the Big Apple. I’ve been dreaming about this city for so long that after I printed out my boarding pass at the airport and saw PHX ? LGA, I broke down and cried. That one-way ticket meant I would never have to see my parents ever again. That I could build a new home with my twin sister.