“Because,” she said straightforwardly, “I do not want a man who would rather be married to someone else. I really think you should see her again, and find out what you want your life to be. Then, when you come back, I’ll know that marriage with me is really what you want to do.”
She sounded like her father, he thought grimly, when he was negotiating a contract; she sounded as if she thought marriage was a career. But then, brought up in the capital as she had been, that was probably exactly what she expected it to be! And what other career could there be for a Roman woman? What could she know of the fire that pulsed in the blood when the Beltane drums began, or the longing that ate at the heart like the music of the pipes the shepherds played on the hills?
In any case, his father had made it impossible for him to see Eilan; no doubt even Julia would be horrified if she heard that his beloved was the local equivalent of a Vestal Virgin. But Julia was already making plans, and once again Gaius felt as if he was in the path of a cavalry charge.
“Father is going to send you north with despatches for Agricola—”
Gaius raised one eyebrow, for he had heard nothing of this, but it did not really surprise him. Julia was the darling of every clerk in the tabularium, and when a change in orders was contemplated, they were always the first to know. And the last one to know is always the man most concerned! he thought.
“On your way you can make time to see this girl. When you come back you will be quite, quite sure that you would rather be married to me.”
Gaius suppressed a smile, for she did not know as much as she thought if she imagined he would have much time for side trips on government service. But perhaps he could manage something; already his blood beat faster in his veins at the thought of seeing Eilan again.
Thanks be to Venus that Julia could not know what he was thinking, though there were times when he credited her with the powers of a Sibyl, or maybe all women had this kind of power. But Julia was chattering about her wedding veil, which was to be made of a fabulous material to be brought in by caravan from halfway around the world.
It would be rather a relief, he thought, even if he must travel to the wilds of Caledonia, to get back to the regular army again.
SEVENTEEN
As the summer ripened towards Lughnasad it did not seem to Eilan that Lhiannon grew any better. Sometimes the old woman’s heart pained her, and always she was tired. Ardanos came daily, and at first he and the High Priestess would talk, but as the days passed, and her attention drew increasingly inward, he simply sat by her bedside in silence, and when he spoke it was with Caillean, or to himself. After these sessions, Caillean would be silent and pensive, but she had always been one for keeping her own counsel.
Eilan found it strange that as her own body was becoming a vessel of life, Lhiannon should be undergoing a parallel transformation, preparing to release her spirit—but in what world she would be reborn no one could say. Joy at the new life within her muted Eilan’s own sorrow. But in those days the Forest House grew very silent, and all the women went about their tasks with mingled excitement and dread. For no one had yet dared to ask who Lhiannon’s successor was to be.
It was fortunate that everyone was too distracted by Lhiannon’s illness to take much notice of anyone else, but what would Eilan do when her belly could no longer be concealed by her loose robes? Not for a moment was Eilan allowed to forget that as far as Ardanos was concerned, she was under sentence of death; she fancied that even Dieda regarded her with barely concealed contempt.
Miellyn was still mourning the loss of her own child and could offer no comfort. Only Caillean never changed toward her—but then Caillean had always been a law unto herself; the one thing that sustained Eilan when she grew most afraid was her awareness of the older woman’s love.
She did not know when, if ever, she would see Gaius again; but remembering the kingly spirit she had glimpsed when they lay together, she felt certain they would meet again. She did not want to believe—as the Arch-Druid said—that he had hastily been married off to someone else. Even among the Romans the solemnizing of a marriage must demand more formality and time than that.