“It is absolutely not all right,” he returned, quick as a whip. But then his features softened, and he whispered, “I’m so sorry, Mouse. I had no idea that —”
“I know,” she interrupted. “I know you didn’t.” She made herself turn to Zuleeka and say, “But you did. You and Mother.”
This time, without their royal audience, Zuleeka didn’t deny it.
Swallowing thickly, Kiva said, “You could have gotten me out. You wouldn’t have even needed to use force — they would have let me go.”
Zuleeka didn’t meet her eyes, instead looking out toward the manicured palace gardens. “I know you’ll have trouble believing this, but you were safer in there than out here.”
An incredulous sound left Kiva. “I was what?”
“You were saf —”
“Have you been to Zalindov?” Kiva demanded. “Every day I had to fight for my life. Every minute sometimes. And that’s not even counting the Trial by Ordeal that would have killed me if not for Jaren’s intervention in every single task. It’s a miracle I survived at all, let alone as long as I did.”
Zuleeka chewed on her lip and looked down at the ground.
“Why, Zuleeka?” Kiva said, her voice breaking. “Why did you and Mother leave me in there? You have to tell me,” she begged. “You owe me that much.”
Zuleeka exhaled loudly. “This isn’t something we should talk about here.” She glanced pointedly at all those inside the bustling stable complex.
“Figure out a way,” Torell said in a hard voice. “Kiva deserves the truth. And I want to know, too.”
Shooting him an annoyed look, Zuleeka’s features gentled again as she turned back to Kiva and relented. “That problem you have, the one you’re working to control,” she said carefully, “that’s why Mother thought it best you stay in there. She said you were protected behind those walls, safe from discovery. If anything happened, word wouldn’t get out about it and cause problems for our family or our . . . friends.” She went on to say, “And even if you’d slipped up and someone had learned the truth, you were already locked away. Nothing worse could happen to you.” A pause. “But if it makes you feel any better, Mother always intended to free you one day. When the timing was right.”
Silence fell in the wake of her words, until Torell grated out, “That’s worse than I thought. Why didn’t I know about this?”
“Because you would have ignored Mother and gone to get Kiva out,” said Zuleeka.
“You’re damned right I would have,” Tor snarled. “As you should have. I can’t believe —”
“What’s done is done,” Zuleeka interrupted, losing patience. “We can’t change the past, so there’s no point in regretting it. Kiva’s fine, she’s here, she’s safe, she survived. That’s what matters.”
Kiva couldn’t process how betrayed she felt — by her own family. Her own sister. Her own mother.
You’re the one she left to rot in that prison, aren’t you? The one she said was better off there?
Delora had spoken true yesterday, repeating what she’d heard. But how — how — could Tilda have imagined that Kiva was safer in a place like Zalindov? Why had she thought it best that her daughter be locked away, her magic hidden, when she herself had begun practicing again out in the world? Was she so afraid of discovery, of all her plans for vengeance being ruined, that she’d allowed her daughter to suffer needlessly for ten years?
Kiva couldn’t fathom the possibility. But she did know that she was hurting. So damned much. And she needed to be alone to work through that.
“I want you to leave,” she whispered, not looking at either of her siblings. “I need some time. On my own.”
Zuleeka reached for her, but Kiva shifted out of the way.
“Please, you have to understand,” Zuleeka implored. “I told you that wars aren’t won without sacrifice —”
Kiva flinched so violently that her head snapped back, realizing that in this instance, she was the sacrifice.
“— and as hard as it was for her, Mother had to weigh the risks, deciding that we were all safer if you remained in there until —”
“Stop talking,” Torell finally snapped. “Kiva doesn’t want to see you right now. I don’t want to see you right now. Just — Just go check if our horses are nearly ready.”