Zuleeka’s eyes held Kiva’s, the honey-gold begging for her to understand.
I’ll try harder. I promise I will.
Kiva looked away.
Sighing quietly, Zuleeka murmured, “I’ll see you at Mirryn’s birthday,” before striding off into the stable complex.
Kiva waited until she was out of sight, then turned to her brother. “Can you stop her from coming to the party? It’s not safe. Not smart. And I don’t — I don’t want her here.”
No matter how much she wanted her sister back, right now Kiva didn’t want to be anywhere near her.
Torell blew out a loud breath. “I’ll do what I can. But you know what she’s like.”
He winced suddenly, realizing what he’d said — how Kiva didn’t know what Zuleeka was like because she was nothing at all like the child she’d once been.
“I’m so sorry, Mouse,” he repeated his earlier words, just as quietly. “Ten years . . . I don’t even know what to say.”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” she told him hoarsely. “But I — I don’t blame you. You know that, right?”
“You should,” he said, with bitter self-loathing. “I do.”
Kiva gripped his hand tighter. “Don’t, Tor. If I have to worry about how you’re feeling on top of everything else . . . it’s too much.”
He blew out another loud breath and drew her into his arms. “I can’t promise not to be upset — I love you too much not to hate what you went through, especially now that I know you could have been freed years ago.”
“Just don’t hate yourself for what you had no control over,” Kiva said. “Promise me that much.”
A long moment passed before he finally said, “I’ll try.”
Knowing it was as good as she was going to get, Kiva pulled back and wiped under her eyes, giving him a gentle push in the direction of where Zuleeka had disappeared inside the stables. “Go,” she said. “And feel free to give her the silent treatment on the ride back.”
“I plan on giving her the silent treatment for much longer than that,” Tor muttered angrily, before leaning in to kiss Kiva’s forehead and striding away, leaving her alone but for the company of her tormented thoughts . . . and her shattered heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Kiva avoided everyone for the rest of the day, sneaking from the stables to her room and burrowing into her bed. She didn’t care that she’d wasted the afternoon, needing to wallow in all that she’d learned, needing to grieve.
She had multiple visitors as the hours passed, their quiet knocks and even quieter voices identifying them as Jaren, Tipp, Caldon, Naari, and even Mirryn, each coming at different times to see if she’d allow them entry. But none invaded her privacy when she failed to answer, giving her the space she so desperately wanted.
Night fell outside her windows, and despite her growling stomach, she didn’t move from her bed to seek out dinner, remaining curled around herself until she finally felt like she could breathe again. It eventually happened, mostly thanks to Zuleeka’s reminder that they couldn’t change the past. For whatever inexcusable reason, her mother had left her in Zalindov. It was done; there was no changing it. Now Kiva needed to let it go and move forward.
It was soon after she came to her decision that another knock rattled on the door, and this time she rose from her bed to answer it. She was surprised to find not one of her friends, but an elderly servant standing on the other side.
“Miss Kiva,” he said, bowing slightly, “Her Majesty the Queen apologizes for missing lunch and invites you to enjoy a nightcap with her before turning in for the evening. She specifically told me to mention that she’s ordered hot cocoa, with extra cocoa.”
Kiva’s stomach rumbled so violently that the servant looked at her in alarm, but he only finished, “She’s awaiting you in her personal sitting room and requested that I escort you at your earliest convenience.”
It would have been easy for Kiva to decline the offer. She’d grown close enough to the queen to know there was no pressure on her to attend. That wasn’t what Ariana would even want — she’d be one of the first to encourage Kiva to take whatever time she needed to get over the pain of her day.
It was, perhaps, for that very reason that Kiva finger-combed her hair and followed the man from her room. She’d never have admitted it aloud, but while she was hungry and tempted by the hot cocoa, what she wanted more than anything else was a mother’s comfort — even if that mother was Ariana Vallentis.