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The Guilt Trip(111)

Author:Sandie Jones

“Ali knew?” asks Noah. “So, she did hear everything you and I said?”

Rachel nods, struggling for breath as she imagines Paige hidden from view around the back of the restaurant, but still within easy listening distance. What might have gone through her head if she heard Ali’s observation that Noah and Rachel were still in love with each other? That Josh might be Noah’s child?

“She heard it all,” says Rachel, not knowing whether she’s referring to Ali or Paige.

“Well, did you put Ali right, like you did me?” he asks. “Did you tell her there was absolutely no chance Josh could possibly be mine?”

A tear falls onto Rachel’s cheek. “I told her the truth,” she says.

Noah raises his eyebrows. “Which is?”

“Which is that I honestly don’t know.”

His eyes, which already hold so much pain and angst, appear to take on a truckload more.

“So, you always knew there was a possibility,” he says quietly.

“No!” she exclaims, desperate for him to understand. “I’ve always assumed Jack was his father because…”

Noah looks at her, waiting.

“Because I wanted him to be,” she says, when she can’t think of a better answer.

“Because it was easier,” says Noah.

Rachel wipes a tear away. “Yes,” she says honestly. “I guess it was.”

“And now?” asks Noah.

“Now, everything’s being called into question and I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“We don’t know that Paige heard anything,” says Noah.

“Why else would she have done what she’s done?” cries Rachel, unable to keep her voice down.

“You’re jumping to conclusions,” he says.

She shakes her head vehemently. “I made her do this,” she says. “She was coming for me.”

Her chest convulses as she sobs and Noah takes her hand in his.

“Are you saying she did this on purpose?” asks Noah hoarsely. “That she targeted us?”

Rachel tries to stop her mind from fast-forwarding, but it’s like holding back a freight train. There are so many faces, scenarios and possibilities crowding her brain that she has to wait for the fog to clear to think straight.

“Me, you, us—I don’t know who she would have felt more betrayed by.”

“Fucking hell,” says Noah as his head falls into his hands.

“What am I going to do?” cries Rachel. “Should I tell them?”

Noah’s praying hands touch his lips as he processes the question.

“We’ve done nothing wrong,” he says eventually.

“We’ve kept a secret for twenty years.” Rachel sniffs.

“It won’t help anybody if we start dredging up the past now,” says Noah.

“But it will offer an explanation for why Paige did what she did,” says Rachel. “What if Ali doesn’t make it?”

She thinks of Maria and the heart-wrenching pain she’ll endure at the loss of her only child. Every mother and child’s relationship is special, but their bond was unlike anything Rachel had ever seen. They’d been through so much already and come out of it all the stronger, but Maria would never get over losing the daughter who gave up so much for her, only to have her life snuffed out on what should have been the best day of her life.

“I may as well have killed Ali myself,” says Rachel. “She had no part to play in this; she was only doing the right thing by me, and look how I’ve repaid her.”

“You’ve got to stop doing this to yourself,” says Noah.

“If anything happens to her,” she says, ignoring him, “I’m going to have blood on my hands.”

“This isn’t our fault,” says Noah angrily, though Rachel knows it isn’t aimed at her.

“I apologize,” says Da Silva, reappearing around the curtain looking even more thoughtful and serious than when he went out. “So there is nothing you can think of that may have started this catalog of events?”

There is so much at stake here, Rachel feels like she’s standing on a bridge, deciding whether to jump or not.

“My wife and Jack Hunter were having an affair,” says Noah, making the decision for her.

Rachel looks at him, unable to hide the shock of his confession.

Da Silva raises his eyebrows. “I see…” he says, though it feels like there’s more to come.

“Both Rachel and I found out at the wedding reception,” Noah goes on while the policeman listens thoughtfully.