“Do you think he knows what we did?” Rachel says, feeling like she can’t breathe.
“What we did?” repeats Noah. “You say it with such disdain, as if it was the worst thing you’ve ever done.”
“It was!” she snaps, as a tear falls onto her cheek. “I’ve never regretted anything as much as I regret that.”
The shock on Noah’s face makes her feel sick, as if she’s been punched in the stomach. The hurt in his eyes is decades old, and since the beginning of time, when he’s hurt, she’s hurt. To know she’s caused his pain breaks her. She wants to take it back, to tell him the truth: that that night was incredible, that he’d made her feel the most special she’d ever felt, that it was everything she had imagined it would be. But that would only fan the fire that’s burning precariously close to their fingertips—the ones that are clinging onto a perilous ledge, desperately trying to hold on.
“Well, just for the record,” says Noah quietly. “The only regret I have is that I couldn’t persuade you to come away with me.”
“Just because you didn’t get what you wanted doesn’t give you the right to question Jack’s loyalty. I made the decision to stay.”
“Because of him,” says Noah bitterly.
“I loved him,” she says, though even before the words are out, she knows it was a close-run race.
And now, as she watches Paige’s Tiffany heart bracelet slip down as she stubs out her cigarette, she’s wondering if she backed the wrong horse.
24
“Ali,” says Rachel quietly, almost hoping she doesn’t hear her.
“Hey, sister-in-law,” says Will drunkenly, noticing her between them and pulling her under his arm to join in a rendition of “New York, New York.”
“Hey,” she says, forcing herself to sound upbeat. “Are you having a good time?”
“How can I not be?” he says, looking lovingly at Ali, who is discreetly inching away from Rachel. “Look at my gorgeous bride!”
Rachel smiles. “She looks beautiful, doesn’t she?”
“She sure does,” Will slurs.
“And that necklace is gorgeous,” says Rachel. “Was that a gift from you?”
Will smiles broadly. “Yep, I left it under her pillow for her to find this morning.”
Rachel’s heart sinks, at the realization that Ali being Jack’s mistress was the better option. Because, as bizarre as it seems, that’s preferable, given the alternative.
“Could I have a word?” she says to Ali, who is still actively trying to put as much space between them as she can.
Ali looks at her apprehensively.
“Please,” begs Rachel.
Ali gives an almost imperceptible nod and leans up to kiss Will. “I’m just popping outside for a minute,” she says.
He stops dancing and seems to sober up in an instant. “Is everything all right?”
Ali nods and smiles, but he still looks to Rachel as if needing extra assurance.
“Yes, I just need to borrow her for a couple of minutes,” says Rachel.
“Okay,” he says, turning around to link arms with his friends who are all kicking their legs in time with the music.
Rachel leads the way out of the restaurant, turning right so as not to end up joining Jack and Paige on the terrace. She finds herself at the back of the kitchen and anxiously fiddles with her wedding ring for the few seconds it takes for Ali to join her.
“I’m not going to stand here and get abused” is the first thing she says as she comes around the corner.
Rachel holds her hands up, as if in surrender. “I know, and I’m not intending to. I just want to ask you a few questions.”
Ali looks around warily, as if checking her escape route if she needs one.
“Have you ever slept with Jack?” asks Rachel.
“No!” says Ali, as if appalled by the mere suggestion.
“But you think he’s sleeping with Paige?”
“I know he’s sleeping with Paige.”
Rachel swallows the taste that’s souring her tongue. “How…？” she starts, before clearing her throat. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’ve seen them together, more than once,” says Ali, looking at her feet. “The first time was when I was working with him.”
Rachel clamps a hand to her mouth. “It’s been going on for that long?”
Ali nods. “I don’t know how long exactly, but I first saw them over eighteen months ago.”