Gus said his thinking was simple enough:
Maybe Daniel could get through to her, because he sure as hell couldn’t.
But she was still circling. No Gus, no audience, not even the grooms at Gus’s barn, or other riders. Just her and Daniel. It should have been a pressure-free setting. The worst part was that she wouldn’t know she was stopping the horse until it was happening again.
Somehow she hadn’t stopped yesterday, as she’d made it through the qualifying on Wednesday. When Daniel asked her afterward what had been different, she said, “I…don’t…know.”
That night she’d even spent an hour on the phone with Dr. Bob Rotella, an old friend of Gus’s who’d become the most famous sports psychologist in the country. He’d worked with other riders, some of them friends of Maggie’s. And worked wonders with them. Everything he’d said made perfect sense to her. The hour flew by. It did feel like being with a great therapist.
She’d come out this morning and circled again.
She was taking a break when she said to Daniel, “I will not humiliate myself again on Saturday night. Nope. Not happening, Daniel. Can’t do it to myself. Can’t do it to this horse. Can’t even do it to you.”
They were in the middle of Gus’s ring. Daniel said for her to remember that she had made it to Saturday night, that she’d made it through yesterday’s round with no circling, even if she’d gotten two early rails. She’d fought through that. And, for one day, fought through her fears.
She just didn’t know why.
“Maybe for once I didn’t give the poor horse mixed messages,” she said.
“The horse has never been the problem, Maggie,” Daniel said. He made a sweeping gesture that took in the whole ring. “The problem is not even in here.” He pointed to his head. “The problem is in here.”
“So how do I fix it?” she said.
“I have an idea,” he said.
“I’m all ears,” she said.
“You need to take a trail ride,” Daniel said.
SEVENTY-ONE
Maggie
THEY HAD BROUGHT Coronado back in Gus’s trailer, had saddled him up at Atwood Farm. Then Maggie went out alone, the way she had the day of the accident. Breaking the rule about an unaccompanied trail ride one more time. Maybe one last time.
“I can follow if you want,” Daniel said.
“No,” Maggie said. “If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it.”
She left the barn behind her and made the left turn before she got to Stable Way, walking Coronado at first, slowly picking up speed, not pushing it.
Not yet.
She remembered every detail of her ride that day. She noticed all the familiar geography now. Imagining it was a course without jumps. But knowing exactly where the finish line was, past where the new barn was going up, past the barn owned by Tyler Cullen’s owner, past another new construction site.
Feeling everything starting to happen fast now. Feeling a dryness in her throat. Feeling the tension in her back, legs, arms. Knowing it was probably just more of her craziness, knowing that the red fox wasn’t coming out of the bushes this time.
Still afraid that he might.
Had Daniel been right?
Was that the fear driving all the others?
She slowed Coronado now, nearly to a full stop. Closed her eyes. Drank in some air. The inside of her mouth felt like sawdust.
The exact spot was right up ahead.
She didn’t hesitate now, kicked her horse back into motion.
Started to pick up speed.
Coming up fast on the scrub and bushes to her left where she’d seen the fox that day, blowing past where she’d been thrown and where she knew Becky had found her, blowing past all of it like she’d cleared the last jump of a round and now was just making sure to clear the sensor and finish the course right.
Only then did she slow Coronado back down, feel herself smiling, then take a last look around and turn for home.
SEVENTY-TWO
Maggie
SIX HORSES MADE the jump-off on Saturday night. Coronado was one of them. Maggie had gotten around clean for the first time since last year. Now Seamus had Coronado in the schooling ring. Becky, going just six places after Maggie in the order, was on her way into the International on Sky.
Maggie and Daniel stood on the other side of the in-gate from where Gus was. But once Becky was into her round, Maggie also kept sneaking looks at Daniel. He was trying to act calm, detached from what was happening in the ring. But he kept betraying himself. It was there in his face, in the tension in his body. Everything about him revealed how much he wanted Becky to do well.