“However did you begin doing this?” Anna leaned over her, her face obscured in the dark room.
Odette thought for a moment. “I wanted a way to help feed the poor, something I could do all on my own. I had done a little poaching of smaller animals when I was a child. I learned to use a bow and arrow, and I was good at it. There were so many deer in Thornbeck Forest. It seemed like it wouldn’t hurt to shoot a few and give them to the hungry people. Rutger and I worked out a plan where he would have some of the young men who worked for him go with me and cut up and carry the meat after I killed it. And Rutger has some other people who distribute it to the poor.”
“Oh.” Anna sat facing the foot of the bed. “But . . .”
When she didn’t continue, Odette asked, “But what?”
“Does it not seem strange to you that Rutger would allow you to take the risk? If you are caught, the margrave might cut off your hand. He will be furious and will throw you in the dungeon. And what about Jorgen? If he discovers that you’re poaching . . .”
“I know, I know.” Odette’s heart twisted inside her. “I don’t want to hurt Jorgen, but I also do not want to abandon the poor who are counting on me to feed them.”
Anna nodded. “But, Odette, how long do you plan to do this? It must be exhausting, going hunting every night. When do you sleep? If yesterday was an indication, you are not sleeping. You looked so tired.”
“I don’t know. Perhaps someday I can stop. But to be honest, I don’t see how it will ever be possible. Unless . . .”
“Unless what?”
“Unless I marry a rich man who will use his money to feed them.”
“Odette, you aren’t responsible for every single hungry person.”
“But I just cannot bear to think of them going hungry when I can do something about it. Besides, I like hunting, and I believe I am doing something good and that God will reward me for what I’m doing.”
“It seems to me . . . But perhaps I should not say that.”
“What? Go on and say it. You know I won’t be angry with you.”
“I just think that Rutger, as your uncle, should be more concerned for you and your well-being. He should not encourage you to break the laws of the land.”
“Well, Rutger knows I want to help the poor and that I am a woman who will not be easily dissuaded. He also allows me to study with a tutor and to study any subject I wish, and I am grateful for that.” But there was a niggling feeling that Anna was right. Why did Rutger not try to stop her?
“You should not feel as though you must hunt every night, Odette. Truly you shouldn’t. You will make yourself sick. Besides, it must be hard on you to be always afraid of being caught. I could never handle the strain of such a thing.” She reached out and squeezed Odette’s arm. “But you have always been stronger than I am.”
Stronger? Or more foolish? “Perhaps you are right about not hunting every day.”
“So you will only hunt five nights a week?”
“I suppose. But it feels selfish to cease hunting every night. People will go hungry.”
“Odette, you are not responsible for every person in Thornbeck!”
“Perhaps not.” The sun was coming up, and the room was now light enough from the gray light coming through the windows that she could see Anna’s face. “But if I can feed them and I don’t . . .”
“Now you are just torturing yourself. God knows you cannot feed everyone. Even you have limitations. And I think you should consider that perhaps poaching deer in the margrave’s game park may not be the right thing to do anyway.”
Odette opened her mouth to protest, but Anna interrupted her.
“I am only asking you to consider it. Promise me you will.”
“I will.” She leaned forward and put her head in her hands. “I may have to stop poaching anyway. I think Jorgen caught one of the boys who help take the meat out of the forest.”
“What? When?”
“Tonight.”
“Do you think he recognized you?”
Odette shook her head. “But if he caught one of the boys, it is possible he would have told Jorgen that I am the poacher.”
“Oh. But you do not know if he caught him or not?”
“I am not certain.”
“Then you must assume he did not. You must determine not to worry about it and go to sleep. You must sleep, Odette.”
“What about you?”
“I will sleep too. I lay awake most of the night praying for you.”