Thirty-six hours of knowing the woman, and I’m already well aware of her extremes.
“Spit it out, bluebell,” I murmur.
“The last time I got on a sailboat on the ocean, it tipped over, and I almost drowned. I mean, I didn’t actually, but I felt like I might for a minute, and I haven’t been able to get on a boat since. My intentions aren’t bigger than my fears in this case.”
“If you don’t want to go—”
“I do! I do. I was supposed to go sailing this mor—while I’m here—because I want to get over it, but—”
“This morning,” I interrupt. I was supposed to go sailing this morning is what she was about to say, I’m positive.
Her face flushes again. “It’s not important.”
Of course she had plans. She’s Begonia. She probably has a massive itinerary of various adventures she was intending to try out all along the coast while vacationing here. “How many excursions and side trips had you booked that you’ve now changed?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Begonia.”
“Shh. Your name-saying privileges have been revoked. Actually, your talking privileges have been revoked, period. I’m trying to tell you that I’m going to get on that boat, but I’m a little nervous because the last time, Hyacinth saved me, and she’s not here, so if I fall off the boat and once again come face-to-face with a killer manatee who decides I need to be his lover, I won’t have her twinstinct to save me.”
“There are no manatees in Maine, and even if there were—”
“But there are other sea creatures, and they’re like Marshmallow. They’re not normal when I’m around. Manatees aren’t killer, I know, but I swear to you, that manatee had a look in his eyes that either meant, you’re the girl I’ve been waiting for, Begonia, which is totally creepy, by the way, or you are the prey I’ve been waiting for, Begonia. I’m a very good swimmer, but if I fall off this boat, there’s no telling what might happen.”
I’m doing my utmost best to not stare at her like she’s three bananas short of a fruit basket, but I’m apparently not succeeding, because her face twists up and she glares at me.
“Fine. Fine. I’ll get on the boat. It’s an adventure, and I wanted an adventure, and I know that you’re so big and powerful that you’ll order the seas to quit chopping and they’ll calm down and rainbows will appear and three whales will serenade us with a blowhole symphony, from a safe distance, of course, and everyone in town will talk about how talented you are for decades to come.”
She’s talking with her hands again. I lean back a little to stay out of the way while she keeps rambling.
“And it wasn’t a horny manatee. I lied. I made up the lie, and Hyacinth told it so many times I started to believe it, but the truth is, I actually get seasick, and I hate that I get seasick, because I want to go cruise around the world but the one time Chad and I took a cruise, I puked on the first day and got put in quarantine in the ship’s hospital because they were afraid I had norovirus, and being in an enclosed space on a cruise ship meant that I was ill the entire trip, so I didn’t enjoy it at all, and I really, really want to learn to enjoy it, but I don’t want to puke in front of your mom and your second-grade ex-wife and your mom’s Hayes-hungry assistant, and if I’m puking, and I do fall overboard, I don’t know if I’ll actually be able to swim, because you can’t swim while you’re puking. I can kayak. I can canoe. But I can’t freaking sail.”
“Is everything okay?” my mother calls.
“I’m failing to have the proper appreciation for the horror of the run in Begonia’s hose,” I call back.
“Apologies, Begonia,” she replies. “God knows I’ve tried, but his understanding of pantyhose falls into the same bucket with his ego. They’re both completely hopeless.”
“The boat won’t tip,” I tell Begonia quietly, “nor will you fall off, nor will you throw up, but if any or all of the above happen, I swear on my firm belief in the magic of the world, Marshmallow will save you.”
She squeezes her eyes shut. “I spent the past year getting divorced after four years of being married to a complete stick in the mud, and two years before that dating him, and I’m trying so hard to remember who I was before him, but there are still a few things that scare me or make me super uncomfortable.”