The wind is now blowing strongly. In the garden, the apple tree is whipped into a frenzy. Ruth double checks that both parts of the back door are locked. She jumps when Flint bursts in through his cat flap, tail puffed up in fright. 慦hat抯 the matter, Flint??Flint meows, gazing meaningfully at his bowl. She jumps again when her phone buzzes. Nelson.
慖t抯 Cathbad,?says Nelson.
慦hat??Suddenly the room is as cold as if hosting a cine璵atic demonic presence.
慖抦 sorry, love. Judy says it抯 the end.?
Chapter 35
That night she sees the Grey Lady. She has no idea what time it is, drifting in an uneasy state between waking and sleeping. She opens her eyes. Or does she? There抯 a woman standing in front of her, dressed in long grey robes. Her hand is outstretched, as if she抯 offering something, but she can抰 see what it is. It抯 the eyes that she remembers most. They look so sad.
She must have fallen asleep because, when she wakes up, her sleeping bag is wet with condensation. Was the Grey Lady ever there, gazing at her with her sweet, sad eyes? He抯 left a bucket for her to pee in and she does that, gagging at the stench of ammonia. She can抰 be sick again because there抯 nothing in her stomach. She almost takes another pill, just for the sensation of swallowing, but she manages to stop herself.
She never hears him approaching. It抯 as if he has paws instead of feet. Like a cat. She抯 drifting in and out of sleep when the grille opens and she hears his voice.
慖t抯 me,?he says. But who else would it be?
She takes the plate. It contains another apple and a tiny piece of cheese.
慪ou抣l lose weight in no time,?he says from behind the door.
Will she continue to lose weight until she抯 nothing but a skeleton? There are more pills too.
慦hy are you giving me medicine??she says.
慗ust swallow them,?he says, 慳nd then you抣l be free.?
慓ive me some water then.?
He pushes a bottle through. She takes a gulp.
慔ave you taken a pill??There抯 a new note in his voice. Excitement.
慪es.?
慓ood girl.?
Is that what the Grey Lady was doing? Holding out pills for her to take? But, no, she抯 convinced that the Lady was a friendly spirit. The way she抎 looked at her was so sorrowful, so understanding. Our Lady of the Sorrows. But maybe this was just because she抯 dead too. Sometimes she imagines that everyone else in the world is dead, victims of the virus, and there抯 only her, battering on her prison door, shouting into the silence.
Ruth barely sleeps. She dreams about Cathbad, about walking with him on the Blackpool sands, about Cathbad climbing into the sky to rescue Kate. She sees a room with ballet dancer wallpaper, Cathbad weeping when Michael was born, his face when he performed Kate抯 naming ceremony. May the gods keep this child perfect and let anything that is negative stay far beyond her world.
Flint starts meowing outside the door at five a.m., just when Ruth has fallen into an uneasy sleep. Light is filtering in through the curtains. She might as well get up. Ruth checks her phone. Nothing from Judy. But would she tell Ruth if the worst had happened? 慣hink it抯 the end?is what Judy had texted to Nelson. What if the end has already happened? Is Ruth living in a post-Cathbad world?
She gets up and reaches for her favourite dressing gown. At least she is now free to wear this garment, which she considered too unsexy to show Nelson. It抯 very comforting though, towelling and threadbare. She puts on her slippers ?equally ancient and not revealed to Nelson ?and leaves the room, almost tripping over Flint who has positioned himself at the top of the stairs. Ruth goes into the kitchen to feed him and put on the kettle, in that order. The supply of gourmet cat food is running low. She will have to go shopping today.
Ruth takes her mug of tea into the sitting room. It抯 another stunning sunrise, the marshes turning palest pink and then deepest gold. Dawn, she thinks. Dawn 1963. Had her sister been named after this daily phenomenon? She can hardly ask her mother, and, at this rate, she抣l never see Zoe again to ask her either. At six, she feels brave enough to text Judy. How are you? This seems neutral enough. She hopes that the message doesn抰 wake Judy.