Cassie stared at Nick as a flurry of thoughts and emotions steamrolled her. Her heart wanted this so much, but her mind warned her that it was a terrible mistake. His gaze bored into hers and he raised her hands to his lips. “Please, Cassie. Just give us a chance.”
“Mommy!” Birdie’s screech interrupted them.
“I better go check on her.” She pulled her hands away from his warm embrace and stood on rubbery legs.
“Of course.” Nick sat back on his heels. The raw emotion exposed on his face tore at her gut.
Cassie backed away from him, her heart pounding in her ears, then spun on her heels and flew to Birdie’s room. She tried, and failed, to push aside her confused emotions as she sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed back Birdie’s tangled hair. “What’s the matter, sweetie?”
“Alina said we have to go soon. I have to tell Bobby what Alina wants me to tell her before she goes back to sleep.” Birdie pulled on Cassie’s arm. “Please, take me now!”
“Honey, the doctors aren’t sure when she’ll wake up. We can’t go now.”
“She’s going to wake up. Alina told me!” Birdie’s voice took on a frantic note.
Cassie gritted her teeth. She couldn’t deal with this, on top of everything else, tonight. “Birdie, you’ve got to stop with this Alina business. I know Bobby told you stories about Alina, but she’s not here. It’s too late for visitors, but I promise, I’ll bring you up first thing in the morning. Now try to get some rest.”
“But, Mommy, I have to go! Alina needs me to!”
“No!” The unfamiliar sharp edge in Cassie’s voice stilled Birdie’s fussing. Cassie massaged her temples and sighed. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell at you. I’m very tired, and I’m sure you are, too. Let’s get some sleep and talk tomorrow, all right?”
Cassie pulled the covers up around her daughter, but Birdie pulled away and faced the wall. “I love you, Birdie.”
“I love you, too.” The muffled response lacked its usual gusto.
Cassie closed the door and pressed her head against it—the cool wood a temporary relief from the heat of her many failures.
“Is she okay?”
She jumped and whirled around. Nick stood at the edge of the hallway, looking down at her.
“She’s overtired. She thinks Bobby’s awake, and she wants me to take her there right now. She said Alina has to tell Bobby something.”
“Maybe she does,” Nick said.
Cassie rubbed her hands over her face as she walked into the living room. “I don’t know what to think about anything anymore.”
“I shouldn’t have said that, either. I’m really on a roll tonight.” Nick ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry about earlier. You have enough on your plate now. I didn’t mean to add to it by dumping my feelings on you.”
Cassie collapsed onto the couch. “I’m so confused and exhausted right now I can barely function. I can’t give you any answers, Nick.”
Nick nodded. “I understand. I don’t ever want to pressure you, Cassie. I’ll leave.”
“Wait.” Cassie’s voice trembled as the weight of everything that had happened pressed down on her. She didn’t know what she wanted forever, but she knew she felt better when he was near. And right now, she needed all the help she could get. “I shouldn’t ask this, but will you stay with me? Just for a little bit? I’m going to wait up to make sure Birdie settles down.”
“Always.” He sat down on the couch next to her and she curled into him. Guilt spliced through her as conflicted emotions flickered over his expressive face, but when he pulled her close, she sighed with relief. His heart, steady and strong, counted time against her ear, soothing her bruised soul.
“You make everything feel better,” she murmured.
“I’m glad.” His husky voice vibrated his chest and tickled her.
Cassie fought to keep her drooping eyelids open, but the weight of the day tugged at her. The last thing she remembered was Nick tucking a blanket around her.
30
KATYA
Ukraine, March 1933
Denys wasn’t her child; she shouldn’t have cared so much. Katya told herself that over and over, but it didn’t help her get out of bed. Losing Denys ripped open all the scars from Viktor’s death she’d buried and ignored in her struggle to survive.
Nothing but being close to Halya seemed to matter anymore. Without her, Katya would have given up and died. Halya was all she had left, and Katya couldn’t fail her like she had everyone else.