I’ve never had that. Never in my entire life.
I follow Pan up the steps to the balcony and then into the loft. The giant tree in the center of the house is full of little fireflies.
“There you are,” Vane says. “Where the fuck have you been?”
Pan grumbles at him. “Out.”
Vane eyes me with his glittering violet eye. I can’t tell what he’s thinking and I’m usually so good at reading people. Maybe that’s why he’s so damn frustrating. I can’t get beyond his walls and see inside.
He is a puzzle box and I want to find the solution to break him open.
The twins come into the room. “Tilly is on her way.”
Peter Pan snaps his fingers at Vane. “Get the rest of the Lost Boys into the house and out of sight. Bash and Kas, get the Darling some dry clothes and help get her ready.”
My heart leaps to my throat and blood rushes to my head, pounding against my ears. This is it. This is how it happens.
I don’t want to lose my mind.
“Darling?” Kas stops in front of me. His hair is tied back again in a bun at the back of his head. There’s worry in his amber eyes.
“I don’t want to do this.”
He frowns at me. “The king gets what he wants.”
I gulp down air. “Please, Kas.”
He slips his arm around my shoulders and guides me toward the bedroom.
I’m shaking and numb.
This is how it happens. This is when it begins.
“Why does she have to get into my head? Can’t I just be like hypnotized or something? Don’t you think that if any of us knew where it was, we would have remembered by now? Please, Kas.” I grab his hands, squeeze.
“I can’t stop it, Win,” he says and tilts his head. “And you can’t either.”
Bash comes into the room. “Listen, Darling. You may be at risk of being knocked over by a stiff breeze, but in here”—he ruffles my hair—“you’re stronger than you think. And you’re going to let our dear sister get into your head and you’re going to help us find Peter Pan’s shadow. Okay? I believe that. I believe you’re different from every single Darling that’s come before you.”
I swallow against the lump growing in my throat. “You think so?”
“Yeah.” He grins at me. “We got to fuck you.”
Kas whacks him upside the back of the head and then Bash reaches over and does the same to his twin.
I want to help Pan.
I want to be the one that gets him his shadow.
But I don’t want to lose my head doing it.
I have endured. I’ve endured the sickness of so-called magic potions that only made me vomit for days. I’ve endured blades cutting into my flesh, the blood collected to paint across my ceiling.
I have endured and I can endure this.
I can finally end this curse for all of us.
“Okay.” I nod and pull Peter Pan’s shirt off. “I can do this.”
“That’s right,” Kas says. “I’ll go see if Cherry has some clean, dry clothes somewhere.”
When Kas is gone, Bash comes over to me and takes my hand in his. He fingers the bracelet around my wrist, spins it around my arm. “This isn’t just a regular bracelet.”
“I know. It’s a kiss.”
“Yes, but there’s more.” He smiles down at me, voice raspy and low as he continues. “It’s imbued with magic. It’ll protect you. You have nothing to fear.”
I know he has magic. Maybe he’s telling the truth.
I give him a nod.
Unlike my mother and her mother and her mother’s mother, I can come out the other side of this intact.
It’s going to be all right.
Cherry lends me a clean dress, but it sags on my shoulders so I fuss over it constantly so that my back isn’t bared.
“Darling,” Pan calls.
I come out to the loft where he, the twins, and Vane are waiting. The rest of the house is silent.
“Are you ready?” Pan asks.
“I think so.”
There is the distinct sound of horse hooves on the cobblestones outside the house.
Bash goes to the window. “She’s here.”
Even though I’m the one who’s supposed to be subjected to mental torture, I sense the twins’ shifting energy. They’re nervous to see their sister.
As we wait for them to come up to the loft, I try not to fidget but fail. I am a ball of nerves too.
Their sister is a queen. A fae.
I’m excited to meet her because of that but dreading what she’s here to do.