“Well, he’s had lots of those.”
“Okay,” she said in a tone that clearly said she didn’t agree with me. “But you didn’t stay and fight. You walked away, too.”
Color rose in my cheeks. “I didn’t. I had a job to do.”
“You know you always do that, right? Make everything in your life about work. It was okay to like Camden. It was okay to feel hurt that he walked off. What’s not okay is blaming him.”
Despite my deep denial, even I could recognize the truth in her words. “He hasn’t texted or called.”
“Doesn’t he have that big business deal he has to worry about? While dealing with a broken heart because you left him without a word? Plus, if I know you, and I do, you haven’t texted or called him, either.”
It was like her words had slapped me across the face. I actually put a hand up to my cheek, as if it were stinging with shock. I’d been so focused on myself I hadn’t thought about what Camden might be going through. Even though I wanted to tell myself differently, he’d had real feelings for me. Was he feeling the same kind of heartbreak right now?
And I’d fled, like a thief in the night, trying to escape my crime scene and avoid paying for my mistakes.
I should have been braver. “He must be so mad.” I whispered the words.
“You thought Sadie was mad at you, but look at what happened there.”
“It’s not like Camden can make a video where he tells the world he loves me. He doesn’t have social media. Plus, I’m pretty sure cameras hadn’t been invented yet when he bought his phone.” Joking about his flip phone brought that stabbing feeling back. Was I ever going to feel like myself again? Or would there always be a part of me that missed him?
“You’re the one who is always telling me to never give up,” she reminded me. “Maybe you shouldn’t give up with him, either.”
All of this pain and heartache was happening because I couldn’t stick to my boundaries. “I shouldn’t have broken my rule.” Everything could have been avoided. Well, the reception might still have gone up in flames, but my heart wouldn’t be like a block of ice that had been dropped on the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces.
“Your rule is stupid,” Krista told me for the thousandth time. “Do you know how much socializing goes on at weddings? How everywhere you look it’s all love and romance? It’s a fantastic place to meet men. I totally made out with that Rick guy.”
My eyes went wide. “Dan’s cousin, who you said was going to get back together with his girlfriend?”
“He probably did. Rachel, it was just kissing and it was fun. Technically I didn’t break your rule,” she said.
“My rule isn’t supposed to have loopholes.” Although that hadn’t stopped me from throwing it out the window so that I could spend time with Camden. The pain pierced me again. I couldn’t think about him.
So instead I asked her, “Do you want to watch a movie with me?” I needed the distraction. If she left me alone with my thoughts, not only was I going to eat an entire large Waldy’s pizza by myself, but I would completely obsess over Camden. Reliving what had happened, thinking of all the ways I could have fixed it sooner but didn’t. How if I’d forgotten all about my stupid rule and taken a chance with him earlier, I could have asked Sadie for her help and things would have been fine.
I guessed now I would never know and I had only myself to blame.
Krista said yes, so we watched a romantic comedy that didn’t seem romantic or comedic to me, but it was better than sitting alone, overstuffed and super sad. Or thinking about how the last movie I’d watched had been with Camden.
My phone buzzed at me, but I reached over and turned it off without looking at it. Tonight I was going to forget about the rest of the world.
I would resume my workplace-drama, broken-heart, and existential-crisis issues in the morning.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
The next morning when I woke up, I felt totally different. The throbbing pain and loss were still there, but I had messed up with Camden, too. I’d been afraid and let my fear of rejection and failure drive me away from him. I’d had all my excuses, but in the end they didn’t add up to a whole lot other than what I’d so stupidly given up.
I was going to call him. After I did what I could to straighten out the rest of my life.
My first stop was Gerald’s office. He’d received my messages over the weekend and was already hard at work on our defense if we were served. We talked about the possible repercussions, like what would happen if we had to go to court. Unfortunately at the moment we were in a holding position, waiting for the Vinnie-and Amber-type clients to file suits against us.