I told him about my fear that my business would fold, as we’d relied on discretion. I couldn’t see anyone wanting to hire us again. Gerald, ever the realist, agreed with me that it might be a possibility and said he’d work on next steps.
It was depressing news, but at least I had a game plan. As Krista had kept reminding me, I wasn’t in control. But if I made plans the best I could and kept moving forward, things would be okay.
On my way to the office, my mom called me. I felt a twinge of guilt that I hadn’t been returning her calls. Before I could even say hello or acknowledge her, she said, “You’re one of those internet means.”
“It’s meme, Mom.”
“Mememom?” she repeated.
“No, it’s just meme. I was—” I stepped off the curb to cross the street and decided that I didn’t have it in me to explain what I meant. I already felt emotionally spent and it was only ten o’clock in the morning. “Don’t worry about it. Some celebrity will get pregnant or go to rehab or reveal that they’re a secret cannibal and then people will forget all about me.”
“You’ve worked so hard to be successful and keep things secret and now it’s everywhere. People are making fun of you and that wedding. I’m upset for you.”
That made two of us, but I didn’t need her to get riled up in my defense. “I promise that everything is going to be okay.” It probably wasn’t something I should be promising, but she wasn’t the only one who needed to hear it.
“We just worry about you.”
“I know you do.” And I understood that her worry and wanting me to be the best were another way for her to say that she loved me.
“I hope you know that all Dad and I want is for you to be happy.”
Stopping in front of my favorite bakery, I smiled, even though she couldn’t see me. “I do know that, Mom. I’ll call you later.”
I ordered two dozen doughnuts and waited while they boxed them up for me. I found my mind drifting and I wondered what Camden was doing right then. He still had his company going public this week. He had to be really busy, especially considering all the phone calls he’d ignored while we’d been together. He might have a ton of fires to put out.
Had any of these videos blown back on their company? He had been very concerned about how investors perceived their reputation. I hoped none of this had affected them.
Maybe I should wait to call him until after his deal went through. He already had so much on his plate.
I paid for my order and the clerk handed me my boxes and then I walked the two blocks to my office. When I got to my floor I didn’t go through the front doors, preferring to sneak in through the back entrance that was directly next to my office. I’d emailed the receptionist, Brinley, early this morning to have her call everyone and tell them to come in for a staff meeting. The doughnuts were my feeble attempt to make sugary amends for everything that had gone down.
After making my way to the conference room, I found to my surprise that everyone had already arrived. They seemed like they’d been talking for a while.
I stood in the doorway for a second and heard my most recent hire, Heather, say, “He was the cutest guy ever and wanted to take me out. I said no because of Rachel’s rule but I really wanted to go.”
Her words struck me. That rule, based on something that had happened to me years ago, was stupid. I was so shut off from relationships and the possibility of meeting someone new that I’d clung to it in order to deny my growing feelings for Camden.
Dan had given Camden a dumb rule, and Camden had totally ignored it. I was Dan, trying to stop my employees and friends from living their lives and flirting with people they met at weddings. As if I could control any of that. I hadn’t even been able to control it for myself.
I’d been at fault for more than one thing.
Someone noticed me and shushed the other women. I had anticipated getting here before all of them, but Krista’s knowing grin made me think she was responsible for everyone gathering early.
I put the doughnuts on the table and it seemed like such a small gesture in light of what was going on. There was no way for me to make this better for them.
“Thanks, everybody, for coming,” I said as I walked to the head of the table. I didn’t sit down; I had too much nervous energy to do anything but pace back and forth.
“You don’t need to say anything,” Krista told me. “We are all a hundred percent on your side and will do whatever you need us to do.”