I opened my mouth, intending to refute her statement, but had to admit to myself that it was true. Camden took up far too much space in my poor mind.
He said something to Rick, patted him on the shoulder, and then started walking over to me.
“Oh, look,” Krista said to Mary-Ellen. “Come over here and see this.”
“What?” Mary-Ellen asked as she was being dragged away. “What am I supposed to be looking at?”
Super subtle.
Every step that he took toward me I felt in my chest, my heart beating hard in time to his footsteps.
“Do you know why we’re camping?” I asked as he approached, willing myself to calm down.
“Dan loves it. Sadie apparently did it as a gift for him.”
That was very sweet of her, but not so much fun for me. “Why would someone love camping?” I truly didn’t get it.
“I don’t know. Nature, trees, peeing outdoors, bears, something-something one with the universe. I never really got it, either.” He put his hands in his pockets and stood close to me, our shoulders nearly touching as we both faced the campfire, which seemed more like a bonfire. “Although, to be fair, this is only sort of camping. Still it could be fun, right?”
“Which one is it? Fun or camping? It can’t be both. I mean, my idea of camping is a motel room that faces some trees.”
He chuckled slightly, but before he could respond an employee of the hotel came by, passing out the white lei.
“Be careful with those,” Camden said. “They were handmade.”
She appeared puzzled, probably because all the lei we’d had so far were handmade.
The employee wasn’t the only one who felt confused. He was over here bantering with me like nothing had happened.
Which I should accept and be grateful for. Instead I asked, “Have you processed yet?”
He raised both of his eyebrows, as if surprised by my question. “I’m taking things under consideration.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning . . . there are things that I’m feeling and I’m not sure how to deal with them and what you’ve told me.”
My breath caught at his words, wondering what exactly those feelings were. “But you still think I’m a spy?”
“I don’t know what to think.”
Why couldn’t I let this go? Maybe it was because I actually was lying to him and in this one area, at least, I wanted him to know the truth. “Why does it matter so much?”
“Because if you were a spy, and you found out things about us, you could sabotage us going public. We would lose the confidence of our investors if anyone stole our secrets—they’d think that our security was lax and that we were an easy target. It would devalue us, making our stock price drop, and I won’t let that happen.”
“I’m not here to hurt you or anyone else,” I told him. That at least was honest.
I could feel him studying me, as if he wasn’t sure what to believe. “I think there’s something there. Something you’re keeping secret. I understand that your secrets are none of my business—”
“Kind of feels like you don’t. And while I respect your bachelor’s degree from I’m Entitled to Know Everything University, not everything is about you.” I’d hoped that confessing would throw him off the scent, but he was like some determined bloodhound, knowing there was something else to uncover.
If I could just keep my distance, this would all be fine. If I could storm off and be （rightfully） angry with him for prying, things might possibly get better.
Then he messed it all up. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”
I turned to look at him and his eyes were like liquid green fire, burning hotter and brighter than the campfire next to us.
Say no. Make that chasm grow. Stretch the divide between you. This is your chance, I tried telling myself.
There was no part of me that wanted to listen.
“Can I have everybody’s attention?” Hank, the director for the film crews, called out. “We would like you guys to start off by having a pillow fight.”
One of his assistants started passing out pillows. I held mine by the edge. “Are you serious? We’re not twelve.”
Normally I wouldn’t be so snappish, but I was currently wrestling internally with myself and neither side of me was pleased at being interrupted. There was what I had to do and what I wanted to do.
None of those included having a pillow fight.
“The viewers will love it,” Hank said. “We’ll edit it so that it looks really fun.” He directed us to get into a circle. We all stood there, loosely holding our pillows. I could feel my dignity draining from my body.