But it was never like that with Liam and Hannah. The first time I brought Hannah home, he couldn’t stop staring at her. When we finally let him hold her under careful supervision, he was so gentle. He kept stroking her little face with open-mouthed awe.
When she was about four months old, we took her to the park and a big dog rushed to the stroller, barking loudly enough to make Hannah burst into tears. Liam jumped in front of the dog, bravely holding up his hand. “Doggy, no!” he cried. “No hurt my sister! No!”
I don’t know what Liam did or didn’t do to Olivia, but he has always protected his sister.
“It’s going to be okay,” I tell Hannah. “We’re going to get him home.”
Hannah wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “Do you really believe that, Mom?”
I wish I could say I did. I wish I could tell my daughter that the truth will come out and Liam will go free. But the real truth is, whether or not the truth comes out, I believe Liam will spend the rest of his life in prison.
Chapter 45
Erika
Jason and I get ready for bed in absolute silence.
The only thing we could possibly talk about at this point is the fact that our son is in jail, and it’s all we’ve spoken about for the last several days. It’s the last thing I want to talk about now. I know Jason is still peeved at me for what I said when the police showed up to arrest Liam. But it’s not like I meant to make my son seem guilty. If I could take it back, I would.
I join my husband in the bathroom while he’s brushing his teeth. He’s got the electric toothbrush whirring in his mouth. Five years ago, Jason had a root canal, and after swearing he would never go through something like that again, he purchased an electric toothbrush and about a crate full of dental floss. He’s used them both religiously, and he’s had such good dental visits since then, I switched over to the electric toothbrush last year. I do feel like it gets my teeth cleaner, but the annoying part is that we can’t both brush at once anymore. I have to wait for him to be done, then swap out the toothbrush heads.
As I wait, I rinse off my face, although there’s not much to rinse since I didn’t bother with makeup this morning. I let the hot water wash over my skin, trying not to think about what’s going to happen tomorrow. Liam’s bail hearing. Every time I imagine it, I get a sick sensation in the pit of my stomach.
What if he doesn’t make bail? I can’t conceive of not getting to take him home tomorrow. But Landon says I have to accept the possibility that Liam might be in jail for the duration.
Liam in jail. My little boy in jail. Surrounded by murderers and thieves.
“Done,” Jason says, as he hands me the handle of the electric toothbrush.
“Thanks,” I say.
We are so polite.
My hands are shaking as I try to get electric toothbrush head in place. Jason watches me for a moment until he takes it for me and secures the brush.
“It’s going to be okay,” he says. He furrows his brow. “It’s just a misunderstanding. In a week, this will all have blown over.”
I snort. “Do you genuinely believe that?”
He stares at me, a sad look in his blue eyes. “Erika, do you genuinely believe our son killed that girl?”
The bathroom feels stiflingly small. I’ve got to get out of here. I put down the toothbrush, even though I haven’t brushed yet, and scurry back into our bedroom. Jason follows me, apparently still waiting for an answer to his question. I wish I had his faith in Liam. But I know things he doesn’t know. As much as he wants and needs to hear it, I can’t tell him I believe Liam is innocent.
“I know it doesn’t look great for him.” His tone is almost pleading. “But Liam wouldn’t do this. He’s a good kid. He comes from a good family.”
Arguably, Jason and I are good parents—both of us are so normal, we’re boring. But Jason doesn’t know my history. He doesn’t know the secret about me that I only recently found out myself. And maybe I owe it to him to tell him the truth. Maybe that’s the only way to make him understand. Even if it makes him look at me differently.
“Jason,” I say. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
His eyes widen and he takes a step back. After the number of revelations he’s had to deal with in the last few days, I feel bad dropping this one on him. But I owe it to him to be honest.
“You’re scaring me, Erika,” he says. “Should I… should I be sitting down?”