2. Create a failure résumé.
Most of us have a résumé—a written compendium of jobs, experiences, and credentials that demonstrate to prospective employers and clients how qualified, adept, and generally awesome we are. Tina Seelig, a professor of practice at Stanford University, says we also need a “failure résumé,” a detailed and thorough inventory of our flops. A failure résumé offers another method for addressing our regrets. The very act of creating one is a form of disclosure. And by eyeing your failure résumé not as its protagonist, but as an observer, you can learn from it without feeling diminished by your mistakes. A few years ago, I compiled a failure résumé, then tried to glean lessons from the many screwups I’d committed. （Disclosing these embarrassments to myself will be sufficient, thank you very much.） I realized I’d repeatedly made variations of the same two mistakes, and that knowledge has helped me avoid those mistakes again.
3. Study self-compassion.
I’ve been reading social science research and attempting to make sense of it for twenty years now, but few subjects have spoken to me as powerfully as the research on self-compassion. Understanding self-compassion helped me curb excessive self-criticism because I became convinced that berating myself, while masochistically enjoyable, just wasn’t effective. Self-compassion similarly helped me see my idiosyncratic struggles as both common and solvable. I encourage you to look more deeply into this topic. One place to begin is Kristin Neff’s website （https://self-compassion.org）， where you can measure your own levels of self-compassion. Her book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself is also excellent.
4. Pair New Year’s resolutions with Old Year’s regrets.
A core point of this chapter—of this entire book—is that looking backward can move us forward. One way to imprint this principle onto your life is to establish a ritual. In late December, the temporal landmark of January 1 stirs us to make New Year’s resolutions. But as a precursor to that practice, try what I call “Old Year’s regrets.” Look back on the year that’s about to end and list three regrets. Do you regret not reconnecting with a relative or former colleague? Or never getting around to launching that side business? Or telling a lie that compromised your values? Write down these regrets. And make undoing the action regrets and transforming the inaction regrets your top resolutions for the new year.
5. Mentally subtract positive events.
To take the hurt out of a regret, try a mental trick made famous in the 1946 movie It’s a Wonderful Life. On Christmas Eve, George Bailey stands on the brink of suicide when he’s visited by Clarence, an angel who shows George what life in Bedford Falls would be like had he never been born. Clarence’s technique is called “mentally subtracting positive events.”？[47] Think of something good in your life—a close friendship, a career achievement, one of your children. Consider all the decisions and indecisions, mistakes and triumphs, that led to that happy situation. Now take them away. To use an example from the last chapter, I could mentally subtract having met my wife. The result is misery and gloom. But, as happened with George Bailey, the subtraction deepens my gratitude and casts my regrets in a new light.
6. Participate in the World Regret Survey.
If you haven’t done so already, submit your regret to the World Regret Survey （www.worldregretsurvey.com）。 Putting your regret in writing can defang it—and can offer the distance to evaluate it and plan from it. You can also read other people’s regrets, which provides perspective on our shared humanity and can help strengthen your regret-reckoning muscles. As you read regrets from across the globe, ask yourself: What kind of regret is this? What advice would you give the writer for using her regret as a positive force?
7. Adopt a journey mindset.
Achieving our goals can insulate us from regret. But if we don’t sustain our behavior after reaching those goals—by continuing to exercise regularly or by maintaining the good work habits that led to the completion of a project—regret quickly finds its way into our minds. One antidote to this problem comes from the work of Stanford University professors Szu-chi Huang and Jennifer Aaker, who recommend what they call a “journey mindset.” Huang and Aaker have found that when we reach a destination—when we’ve completed a difficult and important task—we sometimes slack off and assume our work is done. But it’s usually not. Don’t just relish the goal you’ve achieved. Review the steps that got you there. Spend less time celebrating the destination and more time contemplating the journey.