Once the kettle was boiled, she poured hot water over fresh tea bags and enjoyed watching the water turn brown, colour emerging from the bags, as she added a dash of milk in each.
She carried them through to the living room gingerly, keeping her eyes on the liquid, careful not to spill any. She wouldn’t hear the end of it if she made a mess.
She quietly set the mug down on the table next to Leilah and turned the television off. Leilah was, impossibly, fast asleep and snoring ever so quietly.
Aleisha sat in a chair opposite her mother and watched her for a while. She heard kids cycling past on their bikes, she heard swearwords on the street, mothers laughing together, the cruising of pushchair wheels in front of them. She sighed and then jumped when she saw her phone was flashing with an incoming call: Dad. She picked it up and shuffled out of the room, closing the door gently behind her.
This was the first time Dean had called in three weeks. She hovered her finger over the green button, and then the red button. Talking to Dean, when Leilah was only in the other room … it felt like a betrayal. But if she hit the red button, Dean might not call again. He had a new life now, new kids, a new wife. He had excuses not to call back. He was ‘so busy, darling’。
‘Hello?’ she whispered, her hand covering her mouth. She was trying so hard to keep the hope out of her voice. She just wanted a conversation, an ordinary conversation.
‘Hey sweetheart!’ His voice was upbeat, deafeningly happy – she could hear chatter in the background.
‘Hey Dad, where are you?’
‘I’m just at home – the kids are watching a film. Where are you? Why are you whispering?’
‘I’m just at home. Mum’s asleep.’
‘Is … Is everything okay with you all? How’s Aidan?’
‘He’s busy, working. Mum’s not too good right now. She’s stopped taking on any new design work for a bit, so we’re doing the best we can.’
Aleisha loved seeing her mum designing, painting too sometimes. But when she was feeling this way, she stopped everything. She packed away her computer, she put away any materials, and she stopped accepting commissions. It was always the first sign, for Aleisha and Aidan, that things weren’t right.
‘Aleisha, you know if ever you want to get away, you can come and spend some time here. We’d love to see you. Are you on your summer holidays now?’
‘I’ve finished my exams, yeah. But … I’m working. Maybe another time? When things are quieter. Anyway, I’m going to try and get loads of reading done – prepare for uni applications and things. Law … it’s gonna be competitive. Aidan wants me to work hard.’ She stared at the wall, imagining her father sitting in his house, always spotless, with his perfect kids sitting in front of the TV, laughing, joking. She wondered how heavy the air in his new house was.
‘Of course, I understand. That’s good, sweetie, I’m glad you’re taking it so seriously.’ He paused – Aleisha heard a cackling in the background. Someone calling after him. ‘Dad?’
‘I’m really sorry, Aleisha, I have to go. I’m sorry – I’ll call you again soon. But I mean it, okay? If you ever want to visit, you are always welcome.’
‘I know,’ Aleisha said.
‘Okay, bye darling, love you.’ He rang off without waiting for her reply.
‘Bye,’ she said to her empty phone. Desperate to keep her brain working, to avoid the silence of the house around her, she began to scroll through her call log.
Aidan. Aidan. Aidan. Home. Home. Kyle. Dev. Kyle. Home. Aidan.
She went straight to her address book and hit ‘Call’ next to Rachel’s name. She listened to the dial tone, almost hoping Rachel wouldn’t pick up. She didn’t really know what to say. But speaking to her father, hearing his voice, hearing how relaxed it was, it made her feel more useless than ever.
‘Hey little cousin!’ Rachel’s voice chirruped.
‘Hey,’ Aleisha responded, unable to keep the gloom out of her voice. ‘You all right?’
‘I’m so sorry, babe, but I’m just out with friends at the moment. Can I call you later?’
‘Don’t worry, don’t worry,’ Aleisha replied with a lightness she didn’t feel, not wanting to make Rachel feel guilty for living a normal life. ‘We’ll speak this week, yeah? Have a good night!’ She hung up the phone with a sigh, the only company she had for the foreseeable: her mum’s gentle snores.